I have lived through 20 Valentine's Days. Oh I am ancient.

And for 19 of them (including this one), I have not had a Valentine. Sad, huh?????

You know, I used to think that my life would never be complete until I'd find Prince Charming. Somehow I thought that having a man in my life would fix things. All I wanted was someone (other than my mom) to think that I was completely beautiful on the inside and out. And sometimes I still feel this way. This weekend my best friend back home and her boyfriend came to visit me, which was awesome! But, as those two and then my sister (who I consider to be my other best friend) and her boyfriend were all hanging out, I felt kinda lame because I didn't have anyone :( Have you ever been able to relate to this?

But God has been teaching this ol' heart of mine a few things lately. For one, a relationship status does not define who I am, because love comes and goes. Don't let whether or not you have a significant other influence your confidence, because what if you lose that relationship or never get one? Let the fact that you are awesome, period, because God made you affect your confidence.

Secondly, perhaps I'm meant to be single at a time like this. I think about all of the things I'm able to do because I'm single and it's awesome! I can work with international students several hours a week, teach conversational English for three hours a week, be active in my church, and go to South America for two months this summer without worrying about a boyfriend back home. I can also focus on me! :D

Finally, people are going to let you down. Until you're happy being single, you won't be happy in a relationship. Love isn't the cure to happiness, because there are plenty of unhappy taken people, too.

Wherever you are in life, learn to be content. Focus on what you do have and realize that God will give you what you don't have when the time is right. Count your many blessings in all seaons that you're in!

On a final note, February 14 is Mexican Food Day. Who cares about Valentine's Day??? Eat Mexican food instead, people!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here is a picture of some friends and I eating Mexican food. Do this instead on February 14. I know that's what I'll be doing.

To Be Loved

I want to be loved.

I know that I have friends who love me and a family whose love would lead them to do anything for me. But I long for that "other" type of love. I want to find that man who sees every flaw and every silly thing that I do, but loves me regardless. I can't wait until I meet the person who understands me completely, who is delighted upon just seeing me walk into the room he's standing in, and who thinks so similarly to me that he can finish my sentences, yet he makes up for everything that I lack. I'm ready to be enchanted, for him to be my prince and for me to be his princess, I as the bride and he as the groom. I want to find that man who would lay down his life to save me.

Tonight I just got back from a super busy day/night at school and doing international student ministry. While I should feel strengthened, I feel discouraged instead and it has nothing to do with tonight. It's about wanting to be loved. I see my friends and family finding that type of love, but no one seems to be capable of loving me that way. I ask God, could there be something wrong with me? Maybe if I was ten pounds lighter, maybe if I did a better job with my hair and make-up, or maybe if I didn't have such a quirky personality I'd find someone.

As I start to name the list of flaws in me, tears fall from my eyes as I sink into the couch at my apartment.

"I just want to be loved, God," I whisper.

"But you are," He whispers back. Goosebumps form as I feel God's presence. Yet I laugh at God and roll my eyes.

"I know that I have friends. My mom thinks I'm cool. But that doesn't count. You know what I mean, God."

"You don't understand, My child. You are loved, more than you can imagine."

And all of a sudden it's so clear.

My Maker sees all of me, and He still says I'm good. Somehow He looks past all of my failures and calls me His child. He looks past all of my flaws and loves me anyway. I want that type of love, right?

Christ knows me better than I know myself, yet what I am not, I AM. Everything I'm not, He is.

The Bible calls the Church "the bride" and Christ is the groom. But most of all, Christ laid down His life to save me. He saw me worth dying for. Isn't that what I want most, someone who'd give up their life to save my very own?

As I become aware of these things, I conclude perhaps my desire to be loved by a man is a greater reflection of my ultimate need to be loved by God. In other words, maybe we want relationships so much because God uses them to show us how we need a relationship with the Great Romancer that no other person can fulfill.

The secret to joy is to be loved by Jesus Christ, for nothing else shall satisfy.