I know that I have friends who love me and a family whose love would lead them to do anything for me. But I long for that "other" type of love. I want to find that man who sees every flaw and every silly thing that I do, but loves me regardless. I can't wait until I meet the person who understands me completely, who is delighted upon just seeing me walk into the room he's standing in, and who thinks so similarly to me that he can finish my sentences, yet he makes up for everything that I lack. I'm ready to be enchanted, for him to be my prince and for me to be his princess, I as the bride and he as the groom. I want to find that man who would lay down his life to save me.
Tonight I just got back from a super busy day/night at school and doing international student ministry. While I should feel strengthened, I feel discouraged instead and it has nothing to do with tonight. It's about wanting to be loved. I see my friends and family finding that type of love, but no one seems to be capable of loving me that way. I ask God, could there be something wrong with me? Maybe if I was ten pounds lighter, maybe if I did a better job with my hair and make-up, or maybe if I didn't have such a quirky personality I'd find someone.
As I start to name the list of flaws in me, tears fall from my eyes as I sink into the couch at my apartment.
"I just want to be loved, God," I whisper.
"But you are," He whispers back. Goosebumps form as I feel God's presence. Yet I laugh at God and roll my eyes.
"I know that I have friends. My mom thinks I'm cool. But that doesn't count. You know what I mean, God."
"You don't understand, My child. You are loved, more than you can imagine."
And all of a sudden it's so clear.
My Maker sees all of me, and He still says I'm good. Somehow He looks past all of my failures and calls me His child. He looks past all of my flaws and loves me anyway. I want that type of love, right?
Christ knows me better than I know myself, yet what I am not, I AM. Everything I'm not, He is.
The Bible calls the Church "the bride" and Christ is the groom. But most of all, Christ laid down His life to save me. He saw me worth dying for. Isn't that what I want most, someone who'd give up their life to save my very own?
As I become aware of these things, I conclude perhaps my desire to be loved by a man is a greater reflection of my ultimate need to be loved by God. In other words, maybe we want relationships so much because God uses them to show us how we need a relationship with the Great Romancer that no other person can fulfill.
No comments:
Post a Comment