Worth the Wait

Lately I've found myself in a situation where I had to make a choice about my values, about the type of woman I want to be, and one that could very well affect my future. It's a choice that some people make wrecklessly and crash and burn, yet others weigh the possible consequences and make the right choice.

What choice am I rambling about?

I've had to make the choice whether or not I want to stay a virgin until I was married.

When I was younger I would always promise myself that I'd stay a virgin until my wedding night. It would be no big deal. If and when I was ever pressured to have sex or do anything sexual, I'd say "No way, Jose!" and that'd be the end of that. I wore a True Love Waits ring, signed a vow and everything. I was all about the purity.

But with the temptations of being at a wild party school and a few guys with bad intentions in mind knocking on my door, deciding to remain a virgin is something I've had to think about constantly. Does anyone want to date a virgin? Is virginity such a big deal, anyway? Is one time really going to hurt anything? Should I just try it so I have experience and don't feel so clueless all of the time?

Then God brings different thoughts in my mind. I think about the man I want to marry one day, and how it will be so worth the wait to save my body for him. It will be so special and romantic. I see the kids I hope to have and I think about how I want to tell them to wait for their spouse, because I did for mine and it was so worth it. I also see the consequences and regrets of friends I have who didn't wait. They got pregnant, caught STD's, had their reputations ruined, have damaged self-esteem, and everything. It seems to me like five minutes of pleasure can equal a lifetime of pain, but five minutes without pleasure equals instead a lifetime without pain.

The wait is hard, I'm not going to lie. I get tired of getting dubbed as the goody-two shoes, innocent girl all of the time. I'm trying to be especially careful about what I wear...I don't want to give guys even the slightest hint that my body is available. I'm going to watch how I present myself and what situations can be dangerous (I've learned about this the hard way).  The worst thing is on those lonely nights when I'm wondering where on earth God's man for me is at, I wonder how much longer this season of waiting will last.

But no matter how long I have to wait, I know that the wait will be worth it.

Snow White and Her Dwarf Dates

Snow White sighed and collapsed on her bed. She clutched Cinderella's wedding invitation in her hand and watched it fall to the floor. Cinderella and her used to be besties, you know? They used to sing songs together about dreams your heart makes, handsome princes, and lots and lots of love! On lonely nights when all of the other girls were out dancing with their men, Cindy and Snow White had hung out and done girl stuff. Those were the glory days, the days that were fading just like the sunset that Cinderella and the Prince had faded away into.

All of Snow White's other princess friends had found someone! Aurora found her prince and even got to sleep for 100 years, too! Jasmine fell in love with a street boy named Aladdin, which was weird, but at least her dad finally gave the approval! Giselle married some weirdo from the land of New York, too, but at least it was true love's kiss! Even ARIEL, who had like the strictest father in the world, was married to Prince Eric and got to become a human so she could marry him. That was especially lame, because Snow White and Prince Eric used to hang out (as friends). But ever since he had fallen in love with the Red Head, their friendship was no more.

"Someday my prince will come," Snow White quietly sang to herself as tears fell down her eyes. She was tired of being alone. Despite what people said about her being "the fairest of them all," Snow White felt so ugly and unloveable. No one would fall in love with her.

"WAKE UP, SLEEPY!!!!!!!" an ugly voice shouted, taking Snow White away from her thoughts. Ugh, that was Grumpy talking. So how about Snow White lived with seven dwarves?? How this happened was a long story for sure.

Hey.
Maybe Snow White's prince was among one of the dwarves. Maybe the one she was meant to be with was one of them. Okay, so they sure weren't princes. They weren't what she was looking for. But she was so tired of being alone and just wanted a happily ever after like everyone else. It was worth a shot.

"Hey, Grumpy," Snow White said in her flirtiest voice possible, winking her big bright eye.
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Hello, reader!

If you made it THAT far into my little tale, you were probably pretty ticked off once you got to the end of the story. Snow White decided to give up on waiting for her prince and settled for a nasty, angry dwarf!!!!! Some fairy tale, huh?!

But maybe you related to the beginning of my story when Snow White feels lonely because all of her princess friends have found someone, and she's convinced something is wrong with her. I definitely feel that way sometimes when I realize that at least half of my girlfriends in high school are engaged/married, and I'm humming "I Just Haven't Met You Yet" to myself on the way in between classes to make myself feel better about being alone.

When we get so tired of being alone, we tend to settle for whatever guy comes our way. But the guys we settle for are usually awful, and even if they're okay what if the great Romancer has something better for us in mind? If Snow White had realllly settled for Grumpy, then when her prince came by a bit later on he couldn't marry her because she was already taken. I'm sure Snow White would have totally regreted this!!!

On those days you're tired of being alone, invest yourself first in the One who gave His life to save you, because that's the only place you'll find rest. Then, give your life 100% to whatever He puts your way. Until I find someone, I'm focusing 100% on the international student ministry I'm involved with, becoming the best future Spanish teacher I can be, and preparing my heart to work in the ministry one day. Don't become distracted by the things around you, but focus on what's ahead.

Because after all, today's a gift. But someday your prince will come. Don't forget that, my friend.

Cinderella and You!

I'm pretty certain that you know the story of Cinderella. I liked her dress so much I tried to find one like it for my senior prom!

But yes. I liked Cinderella. And I have actually found some realistic stuff in her love story!

Okay. Remember how her fairy godmother made her this awesome dress that was espeically designed for her? This included an gorgeous pair of glass slippers that would only fit Cinderella especially. Now, let's fast forward to the ball where she dances with...gasp...the prince!!!! It was love at first sight. Princey dear knew that Cinderella was the one as soon as he laid eyes on her. They danced all night. But then, the clock was about to strike 12, and Cinderella's dress/accesories would turn into the nasty rags they were before. So in a mad dash to not let the prince see her true identity, she runs away!! He's like "Dude, what the heck! I thought she liked me! Why is she leaving?" Meanwhile, Cinderella is in such a hurry to get outta there that her slipper falls off of her foot..and she just leaves it behind.

Our prince friend knows that this glass slipper that was left behind will only fit Cinderella. He is determined to find her, the one for him, so he tries the shoe on every single girl in his kingdom. It never works, and he gets frustrated. I kinda wonder if he met a few girls who he liked, but he knew the shoe didn't fit. When this happened, someone's heart got broken, because even though the attraction was mutual, she wasn't the one he was looking for. Finally, he stubbled into one home where the two girls there broke the slipper he had! I bet he was ticked. But then, all of a sudden this beautiful maid (Cinderella) emerges from the corners and hands him the other slipper. And you know what? It fit just right. He found the one. Awwwwwwwwwww.

Now what does this have to do with you, my Chronicles of a Young Woman reader???
If you're not married and want to be one day, then I'd say you are like the prince. You have been given something kind of like a slipper by God-a huge bundle of personality, dreams, wishes, etc. that will fit perfectly with one person-the person God had in mind when He created you. Whether you admit to it or not, you're looking for that person who will fit perfectly into your slipper. You're looking at the people you see, studying them to see if they would be a good fit for what God has given you. You meet someone and you think that they might fit your slipper, so you date them. But soon one of you realizes that the slipper doesn't fit, and one of you gets your heart broken. Other times, you'll find someone where the attraction is mutual, but you know that the slipper won't fit because of circumstances. For example, I went on a few dates with a guy last year who had everything I wanted. He loved Spanish, he was funny and friendly, easy to talk to, and he was cute. But I knew things couldn't work out because he didn't have a relationship with Jesus, and I had to call things off even though I didn't want to.

Look, if you find someone you like but you know you could never marry because they're not compatible with you, don't pursue that relationship any further, because you're just wasting their time. Plus, you could be with someone else and find your Cinderella. With that being said, when you get frustrated about never finding the right person no matter how hard you look, never give up. Just like the prince never thought Cinderella would be working as a maid, you'll probably find the right person in the place you least expect it. Remember that true love with the right person is worth waiting for. And most of all, they'll have a glass slipper that matches, yours, too.

Price Tag

I like to go clothes shopping...sometimes. That is, I like it when I find cute clothes that fit, when I'm not hungry/tired/bored, when I don't have to buy jeans and can instead buy cute dresses and shirts instead of stupid pants, and when I find good deals. Heck, I'm crazy about spending the least amount of money possible! I am constantly checking price tags. For example, if I'm trying to decide between two pairs of shoes, I automatically go with whatever is cheaper. It solves my problem, right???


Lately I've realized that I assign price tags to people like stores give clothes prices based on how much society says they are worth or how they have treated me in the past. Some people are more valuable than others. It goes like this.

That annoying kid who had a crush on me a while back and stalked me constantly? 15% off his value!
This girl I know who was a total snob to everyone? 30% off!
That girl who was mean to me for no good reason? Buy one, get one free!

And sometimes I even calculate my value based on the things that I've done and what I look like:

Okay, I've got curly red hair that I'm pretty proud of, so that's a $20 value. But I'm not as skinny as Emmy, so that's $5 off my value. But at least I'm nice. So that's $7 back. And I dress cuter than Macy, not to mention I'm active in FSU campus stuff. So that's $2 back. But then I don't...

...and the cycle goes on. In the past I've hesistated talking to someone who makes me look bad in fear that I'll look bad and that will lower my value on the price system. I also thought that I was of low value and didn't deserve to talk to other people, because they all thought I was weird.

But lately, God has been working on this judgemental heart of mine. I've realized that God doesn't assign price tags based on the good or bad things that we do, the people who we are or aren't, or what society tells us that the image in the mirror means we are. When Christ holds our price tag in His scarred hands, He remembered that our cost to redeem us from our mistakes was high-it cost Him His life on a bloody cross. God loved you enough to die for you. He didn't just pay a six-figure check for your ransom, He paid His very life. When I realized this at age 14 for the first time and became a Christian, it changed my world. As I continue to realize this today, it makes me realize that everyone is worth dying for in God's eyes, so who am I to treat anyone differently than anyone else? It also makes me see that I am no better than anyone and no one is better than me, so I have confidence.

I'm a red-head. I'm a Spanish teacher in training. I'm an American, an English language teacher, a vice-president of an amazing organization, a former ballerina. But none of these things are my value. I find my value in the death of Christ alone.

Do You Ever Feel?

Do you ever feel ugly some days? I sure do. Today I have been lounging around the house doing nothing, so I didn't bother to put on any make-up. I haven't washed my hair since yesterday so now it's greasy and flat. I'm also wearing my old senior class t-shirt and old shorts that I wore like everyday during my days as a staffer at Camp Crestridge. I feel so nasty that I feel like putting on make-up and doing my hair just so that I'll stop feeling ugly, although I am going nowhere at 11:30 PM.

Do you ever feel fat some days? I always have. The other day I was bored out of my mind so I tried on my old bridesmaid dress from my cousin's wedding 3 1/2 years ago just for fun. I could barely get it zipped up all of the way...it was still down a bit on the top. Given, my body has developed into that of a woman's since then, but I still felt like a fat cow. Plus, with the leftover Christmas candy still at my parent's house that I haven't been able to stay out of and the brownie I just ate, I have felt huge all day today.

Do you ever feel lonely sometimes? I do today. It's depressing when it's New Year's Eve and you don't have someone you love to kiss you at midnight, even if you spent the hours before with your girlfriends like I did. Okay, I gave my dog Princess a big kiss on the head to make light of it, but I still felt lame and envious of my sister and her boyfriend who enjoyed New Year's together. Now it's New Year's day and I'm thinking about what I did last year at this time-I went to a party with a guy who I cared about very much. Things ended terribly with that relationship, and I wonder if I'll ever fall in love, much less if someone could ever fall in love with a mess like me.

I'm not saying these things so that you'll have pity on me and tell me that I'm pretty, that I have a nice, curvy body, or that my prince will come one day. Most of the time, I'm confident in who God made me-the happy, redheaded Spanish teacher- and I find my identity not in the curls in my hair, the dress size on the tag, or the relationship status on my Facebook page, but in the fact that Christ loved me enough to die for me. But some days I don't feel like that. Some days I just feel insecure.

And since I know that every woman feels insecure and faces the same feelings I face, I want you to know that you're not alone. You're not the only one who compares your appearance to that of the girl sitting next to you on the Seminole Express. You aren't alone when your friends bring their boyfriends on a night out and you're the only person sitting at the table without a boyfriend. You aren't the only one who wishes she could be 5'5'' and 115 lbs again (and is vowing to be this size again).

Do you ever feel like every other woman in the world feels like this, too? Well guess what. You should.

Jesus of Tallahassee: A Modern Retelling of the Nativity Story Part 3

Mary rolled her head out of the window of Joe's pickup truck and stared in awe at the traffic on I-10. It was backed up crazily! Who knew so many people had been born in the Jacksonville area and were rushing to get registered just like they were?

"Hi, I'm Mary Baer on the Channel 4 News for Radio. Thousands of Floridians are breaking records for having the highest numbers of travelers on I-10 in history! With an estimated 3 million citizens trying to go to Duval, Clay, Baker, Nassau, and St. Johns counties to register for Governor Rick Scott's mandated birth census that will occur tomorrow, December 24, traveling on the interstate is nearly impossible."

"You're not kidding me," Joe grinned. "Six hours since we stopped for a potty break in Madison County and we have gone 30 miles!"

"But," Mary interjected, "nothing is impossible with God."

The couple looked at each other and smiled.

"We're gonna make it to Macclenny," Joe said. "Baker County here we come!"
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"Macclenny sure is an interesting little town," Mary whispered to Joe in the Baker County Courthouse. They had finally made it and were now registering. "You have one Wal-Mart, one high school,  one McDonald's that EVERYONE and their brother goes to, but like 30 million gas stations that advertise fishing bait and gator tail. Oh, and everyone in Macclenny dresses the same-you guys all wear camo!!!"

"It's hunting season!" Joe loudly cried to his hometown's defense.

"Sho' is, youn' mahhnn. Little Johnny just catched his first buck last nigh'! And I has some pictures on my phoh-nuh. Look!" The fat man in front turned around to show Mary pictures of a dead deer. Mary felt like throwing up. She felt sharp pains running through her pregnant belly.

"And I thought YOU had a Southern accent," Mary texted to Joe so the man wouldn't hear. They started giggling when he read the text aloud. But when Mary started to snicker, she felt those sharp pains again. They were like cramps she'd get on her period, but much stronger.

Mary stopped snickering.

Those were mild labor pains. Baby Jesus was on his way.
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"Finally! That's over with!" Joe cried after they had registered. "Do you want to stop for McDonald's and then maybe try to find a place to spend the night?"

Mary sighed. She hadn't told Joseph anything while they were in the line, but now she needed to say someting.

"I think I'm starting to go into labor, Joe. Where's the hospital in Macclenny?"
"Fraser's. Let's go," he said, and Joe raced them through the Macclenny traffic as quickly as he could. But when he arrived, there was a sign on the itty bitty hospital:

"Closed for the birth census registration."

Joe sighed. "Okay, plan B. Let's see if we can get a room at Travelodge, American Inn or the Econolodge." They tried each hotel but all of the places were full. Everyone was in Macclenny for the birth census.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I just didn't think that we'd have to spend the night since Tallahassee is only usually a two hour drive to here so I didn't make hotel reservations." Joe sank into the couch at the Econolodge lobby.
"It's okay, but Joe, Jesus is coming. I am really starting to hurt right now. It's coming in waves, every other minute. Can't you call an ambulance and I go to a Jacksonville hospital?"

"Mary, I could, but the roads are so busy that I don't know how long it'd take even for an ambulance to get here. Our best bet is to find somewhere for you to be comfortable and for you to just give birth."

"But Joe! What if something goes wrong and Jesus comes out the wrong way? We can't do a C-section. I could die!"
"God has taken us this far. He will still provide now." Joe kissed her on the cheek. "Just trust Him." At that moment the man who worked at the front desk called Joe and Mary over.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," the man said in his thick accent. "Here's my address. You can spend the night in my barn, free of charge. I'd let you stay in my house but it's already full with the others."

"Thank you," Joe whispered. He looked at Mary.
Mary screamed in labor pain. It looked like God was about to be with them.
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 "2345 Hillside Drive. 2345 Hillside Drive. The Brannens. Here." Joe bust open the truck door and carried Mary outside to the barn. She was sobbing in pain.

"My water broke. My water broke. Ohhhhhhhhh...."

The men outside smoking cigarettes turned to Joe. "Is she in labor?" he asked. Joe nodded. "I'll go get my wife. She's a nurse and she's sleeping inside."

"Thank you!" Joe cried. "We'll be in the barn."

Mary yelped.

"Shhhhhh...." Joe whispered.

"YOU REALIZE THAT I'M A VIRGIN SO THIS HURTS TWICE AS MUCH?!?" Mary screamed. Um okay. Joe was not messing with the pregnant lady again. He put her down gently in the hay and took off her clothes so the baby could come out. The women who were inside of the house ran outside to the barn to help Joe with delivery.

After two hours, Joe held his son in his arms. He took a picture of Mary and Jesus together with his phone. It was so beautiful. Looking towards the sky, he saw a great light and heard majestic voices singing. Angels. People started freaking out at the sight of them, then trembling in awe. That was all too familiar for Joe and Mary's family, huh? But Mary was no longer baffled by angels. For she had the Son of God in her arms.

"Immanuel," Mary whispered, looking into Jesus' eyes. "God is with us. At last."
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                                                                                EPILOGUE

"Check this out. The Brannens mailed us a copy of the Baker County Press. And Jesus' birth announcement made the first page." Joe threw a copy of the paper at Mary who was holding their son.

Mary chuckled and held her milk bottle. "I'm feeding Jesus, silly. But go ahead and read it to me."

"It's titled, 'Immanuel?' It says, 'A young married couple simply known as Mary and Joe gave birth to the first barn-born baby in Macclenny in years since Fraser Hospital came about in 1967. A series of strange events surround this baby's birth. Witnesses say that the couple was denied room at all of the hotels in Baker after arriving in Macclenny for the birth census, but local hotel owner Steve Brannen allowed them to join other denied guests at his farm, where the mother gave birth. Other citizens are claiming that they saw angels singing, especially the farmers at Old Nursery Plantation working the night shift. These individuals have been given a drug test, which they have passed. Meanwhile, R.N. Tiffany Griffis made the most unusual claim of the night: 'The mother of that barn-born baby was a virgin.' Nurse Griffis says that she helped birth the baby that night.....' yeah, you get the rest."

"It sounds so crazy, but to think it's all true," Mary stated.

"Then know that this is true," Liz walked in the living room and flipped on the tv to CNN.

"Philosphers in Jordan have claimed to see a star that will lead them to a majestic king who will bring them to the savior of the world. Where does NASA predict this star will lead them to? Tallahassee, FL."

Mary smiled. "I think with our little Jesus of Tallahassee, we will never cease to be amazed."

                                                                    The End

Jesus of Tallahassee: A Modern Retelling of the Nativity Story Part Two

Liz couldn't believe that Mary had called her all of a sudden. She thought that she had been forgotten by that family. But Liz patted her pregnant stomach that was full of divine miracle. Just then she heard a knock outside of her door. There stood Mary. Her heart-shaped face and curly black hair remained the same, but her eyes were full of the Spirit and her expression was full of fear.

The baby leaped inside of her at the sight of Jesus' mother. Then Liz knew. Mary didn't have to say a word. She was pregnant, and the baby she carried would pay the ransom of many. He was the one who would set things right, the one the prophets talked about who would save the world from their sins.

"Mary. You are the most blessed of women, and your child will be most blessed!" At that Mary started crying.

"You know?" she whispered. Liz nodded.

"I know," she said. "God has told me just by seeing you. And little John knows, too," she said, pointing at her belly. Mary smiled and put her hand on Liz's stomach to feel John kick. But he didn't kick. He leaped instead.

"Mary, little Jesus will be the Messiah. You know that 'Jesus' comes from 'Joshua,' which means, 'He who saves'?" Mary shook her head. Liz continued. "I can't believe you're here. You are the mommy of my Lord. This is such a blessing. And don't you give me that confused look, because John started leaping for joy when you came in! Believe this, Mary, that God will do what He has promised you. Do you believe now?"

"I believe," Mary said crying. "The Lord is great, so great. People are going to call me blessed because of this baby I have inside of me. I didn't believe it at first, that God would use a pregnant teenager. But He provides. And I'm ready, now that God is with us. Immanuel."
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Before she spoke with Liz, Mary may have feared this moment. Her parents had invited Joe over for pizza and a movie (they were going to watch Finding Nemo), and it was time to tell them that she was pregnant. But she felt the tiny bump in her stomach, and knew that God was with her.

Her father looked up from his Coke and smiled. "Mary, you seem quiet. What's up with you?"

Mary sighed. Her mother looked at her with concern.

"Did....Cousin Liz tell you she was pregnant?" Her parents nodded.

"She told us yesterday! Such a miracle from Yahweh, such a miracle indeed. And Zech says he's supposed to be a prophet of some sort...I wouldn't believe that if Liz wouldn't be a 55-year old pregnant woman. God is the mastermind behind this." Her father looked intense.

"Know that God is the mastermind behind this, too. Mom, Dad, Joe...an angel came to me named Gabriel a few weeks ago. I know that this sounds crazy, but I'm pregnant. And I haven't had sex...I'm still a virgin. Please, please believe me. My son, Jesus, will be the one that sets us free."

There was an uncomfortable silence.
Joe stood up and walked away.
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"And it's you and me,
And all of the people-"

Joe hit "ignore" on his phone for the fifth time that night. Mary had kept trying to call him all night. He did not want to talk to that whore right now.

Most people in arranged marriages weren't too thrilled about them. Somehow he always got the sense that Mary wasn't too excited about marrying him one day, either. But that wasn't how he had felt at all. He was in love with her-her beauty, her love of people, and her willingness to serve Yahweh.

But he had been so wrong to love her. So terribly wrong. Tomorrow he would call off the marriage and start searching for a new wife. His parents would understand. Meanwhile it was time to go to bed and end this miserable day.

"Joseph....." A majestic voice echoed throughout his bedroom. A bright light captivated his eyes.

"Joseph...." the voice continued again. What did it want? Could this be what Mary had heard?

"Y-y-yes?"

"Don't be afraid to marry Mary. She really has been empreganated by the Holy Spirit and not by some other man. She's having a baby boy, and you're supposed to name him Jesus, because He will save His people from their sins."

Then the voice disappeared as suddenly as it had entered. Joe knew immediately what he had to do.

"Hello?" Mary answered his call, barely audible. He could tell she had been crying.

"Mary, will you marry me?"
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"Birth census? This is ridiculous! Rick Scott wants to take a dumb survey of how many people were born in each Florida town so he can prove to California that there are more people born in Florida than in California?! And they aren't even counting women-just the man of the household! He is DUMB and SEXIST!" Joe and Mary had been watching the news with Mary's parents and had heard Governor Scott's announcement. Mary hadn't taken it too well...

"Well, it looks like people born in the Jacksonville area have to register on December 24. Oh, and Mary baby...they are still counting women. But they just register wherever their husband was born."

"Well if we get married in June then it looks like you and I will be going to Macclenny to register together as a family," Mary smiled. She was in love with Joe and was incredibly happy that the Lord had spoken to him. He understood her situation.

"And Tampa area people have to register December 17," Mary's father mentioned. Mary's parents had accepted Mary's pregnancy as divine after watching Liz give birth to baby John. They knew that if God had made a 55-year old barren woman pregnant, then maybe Mary wasn't crazy. God was with them.
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Joe collapsed on the couch and sighed after a long day at work on the construction site where he was a carpenter, but then looked at the beautiful picture of he and his bride on their wedding day. It had been six months since he had married his beautiful wife and he had never been happier.

Because most people wouldn't believe that Mary was a pregnant virgin, Mary was taking dual enrollment classes at Tallahassee Community College instead of going to Leon High her senior year to avoid ridicule. They still had to face the scorn from the Jewish community, who couldn't believe that Mary was a virgin. In order to prove that Jesus was born of a virgin, Mary and Joe had decided not to have sex for the first time until after Jesus was born. Joe couldn't wait. Mary was so beautiful.

Mary marched in, exhausted after a day of classes. She looked angry. Her crazy pregnant woman hormones were coming out.

"Joe. When are we leaving to do that stupid census thing in Macclenny?"

"We have to do it the 24."

"JOE! This is bad!!!"

"Why?"

"The doctor said that I'm due on December 24! We had better be 10 minutes within a hospital, that's all I'm saying. And I have a craving for nachos. You should REALLY buy me Taco Bell!" Mary smiled at her husband.

Joe sighed. Pregnant women. He couldn't wait until God was with them and out of Mary's belly.
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