A New Era

C.S. Lewis was a wise old feller.

One thing this dude said that I find myself falling more in love with as I encounter the cray crayness of daily living is that "I don’t think age matters so much as people think. Parts of me are still 12 and I think other parts were already 50 when I was 12."

We don't age with time, but experiences age us.

It's crazy how the past three weeks seem to have transformed me from college kid caterpillar to giant-grown up teacher gal, and yet I haven't even gotten older-I'm still just a baby at 21. Ya see, I have:

1. Graduated from FSU. I shook Eric Barron's hand and everything!

2. Succeeded at two weeks now in the "real" working world as a Spanish teacher at a private school.

3.  Moved into apartment number three (during the first week of my first year teaching!!)

Just three weeks have gone by, and now I'm in a completely different stage of life. And these big life changes are still coming strong.

It's really hard for my brain to understand what's happening to me. I'm not a student taking classes and going home at the end of the day, but I teach classes and go home to plan them. My colleagues are not fellow 20-something year olds but instead are all old enough to be my parents. Calling co-workers by their first name instead of "Dr. So and So", getting called "Ma'am" instead of "Hey, Ginger!" by my students, yeah, these things all freak me out.

I might be a young 21-year old. But the truth is, these last few weeks have changed me from a college kid whose biggest concern was writing a decent paper to a working professional and FSU alumnus making a living and planning a future.

Years doesn't define an age, but experiences done in time does. And all I know is, my age has grown a lot these past three weeks.

In fact, it's kind of creepy.

Just like Jessie, My Granny

Mom's mom, Granny, was my second mom. I made my second mama a promise on her deathbed that has rung in my head ever since:

"Granny, I'm going to be like you. I'm going to go to South America and do missions or teach like you for a semester or a year. Then, I'm going to be like you and teach, but instead of teaching first grade like you I'm going to teach Spanish. I can only hope I can be as great as Mrs. Lucas was."

Her tired face that breathed death shined a glimpse of life and joy once more. "Do it," she said quietly. "You'll love it," she added in a slightly stronger voice.

I wanted to do those things..but more. When cancer took the life of that powerful woman of God almost three years ago, I decided to be just like Jessie Lucas, my granny, in every way I can.


                                                                   
You see, Granny spent a year teaching abroad in South America. It was the most memorable year of her life.

 I wanted to be just like Jessie. After her death, I found myself signing up for two summers in Latin America-one summer in the rural Andes of Peru sharing the Gospel through teaching English at the village school and helping shepherds with their flocks and the next summer working at a malnutrition center through Florida Baptist Children's Homes in indigenous Guatemala.

I did that to make my Savior proud, but I knew Granny was proud, too-I was just like Jessie.
                 
                                                                  

After she traveled, she taught at a prestigious school for the children of Clemson University's professors. It was odd for the daughter of poor cotton sharecroppers to do that, but God gave her an opportunity bigger than what she was capable of doing alone.

This next part is a God thing, because I don't think it's common for good schools to list their job openings on Craigslist. But when I saw a private school in Tallahassee looking to hire a Spanish teacher, I figured it wouldn't hurt to send in my resume and teaching philosophy. Next thing I know I'm in love with this "private school with a public mission" and I'm signing a contract with them instead of with two other public schools that I always thought I would have chosen.

It looks like I made the right choice, because it turns out this fall I will be teaching the children of some of my old professors at FSU. In fact, most students here have FSU faculty as Mom and Dad. And I (through God giving me opportunities bigger than what I am capable of) am here.

Just like Jessie.

                                                                    ****

But Jessie wasn't Jessie without Clyde, or at least his memory by her side. Granny's other half died the day after my sister was born. But Granny spoke about Papa with such a fondness that I felt like I knew him.

Granny and Papa met in their early 20's at church, and I met Andy when we were in our early 20's, too. But we weren't at church-we both got drug along by some mutual friends in our campus ministry to play a Frisbee game out on Landis Green.

And if I remember right, Granny and Papa talked even more one night after a hymn sing. Well, Andy and I don't do hymn sings, but we did like to throw people in Westcot Fountain on their birthdays. That night when we first noticed each other nearly two years ago, we were doing just that to our friend Ryan. And everyone around me that night seemed to fade away except for Andy.

"When you meet the one the Lord wants you to marry, you spend time around others and you think 'I don't need them in the way that I need Clyde.' But more than that, the Lord will tell you. He'll tell you if you should marry him and He'll bring other people in your life who think the same,"' Granny told me five years ago when we were talking about a guy I wanted to date.

When I think and pray about Andy, I feel just like Jessie described.




"You never know God's plans, not even for tomorrow," Granny warned me once. So I say this with the limited prediction that I can, though that shouldn't limit what I feel when I say this.

When I went to Guatemala, I gave to these girls in their lives. I planted seeds through my love, discipline and service. Towards the end of the summer, God watered these seeds..and I saw fruit- a change-come in their lives as a result. But I want to check and see how God is watering those seeds in their lives. Plus, the girls I served in Guatemala begged me the day I left that I would come back to visit them, and when I did come back, I'd come back with Andy.

Andy and I have prayed about it, and returning to Guatemala during Christmas is something we want to do. But as graduate students on limited salaries as a teacher and research assistant, traveling would mean cutting back somewhere in our budgets. Yet we know that such things are worth any sacrifices we have to make to love God and love the people that He has made accordingly.

And then I see that to make this trip happen, I could not just be like Jessie, but look like her, too. At least, my left ring finger could. If God continues to lead Andy and I towards marriage, a ring would be a huge expense. If I wore Granny's ring instead, we could afford to visit those kids in Guatemala.

Andy pointed out that there are other ways we could cut back financially. But using the ring that Clyde gave to Jessie so many years ago would not only bear more fruit of a gift of love that was once given, but it would remind me to be just like Jessie.

Granny would never would have wanted to be remembered for just being a traveler, great teacher, or Clyde's better half. Her legacy is none other than how sacrifice rooted in love bears fruit.

And by wearing her ring to go to Guatemala again, I'll be just like Jessie.





















                                                                     

God's Latest Chapter and Spidey Powers!

I've been watching Netflix lately with the team. Guatemalan Netflix gives you more options than 'merican Netflix does. My only complaint is that they don't have Spider-Man!!





I like Mr. Spidey. I feel like Spidey a lot cuz I'm a loser but then when God came into my life when I was 14 (much like getting bit by that cray cray spider) I became a new creation, and with that came these huge changes in my life. When I was 17, all I knew was that God loved me and He wanted my life to be about telling others about His love, so I gave my life to missions.

I didn't know about how or where or what He'd send me doing, but I set off on a bunch of adventures to find out. Cuz with great power comes great responsibility....right???  Lately I've been reflecting on these adventures and how they've sent me on the road I think I'm heading.

First there was Camp Crestridge for Girls! Because of experiences I had with insecurities and self-esteem as a teenager before I gave my life to Christ, I wanted to help other girls with the same issues in Summer 2009!




But after I left camp that summer, I felt God telling me that He wanted me to major in Spanish and devote my life to working with Hispanic immigrants. In the meantime, He would develop my Spanish by doing mission work overseas until He called me home. So when I was 18, I was a summer missionary intern at Mission Centers of Houston, an inner-city mission that mostly serves Latino immigrant families in inner-city Houston. This taught me my love of immigrant ministry and teaching English as a Second Language.



When I was 20 I knew that God wanted me to use my love and gift of Spanish in South America to share the Gospel. So I spent Summer 2012 working with the indigenous Quechua people of Peru, living in a rustic village called San Jose de Quero. Through helping these indigenous shepherds in their fields, teaching English in the tiny village school, and Bible study, I built Christ-sharing relationships with the people there.

     

For the past two years, I've been involved as a leader in the Friends of Internationals ministry and through teaching conversational English at FSU. The purpose of both of these things has been to help international students and their families to adjust to life in a new culture and language. By making some of my best friends and having some of my most educational experiences here, I've seen how God has called me to do immigrant/international student ministry with my life.




Finally, this past summer I've been interning at a malnutrition center in indigenous Guatemala through Orphan's Heart (Florida Baptist Children's Homes). Seeing the conditions many underprivileged Guatemalans live in help me understand why many choose to immigrate to the United States..and how my loves of foreign language, ESL and hospitality can welcome these people and can show them the love of Christ.






I tell you this because a lot of people have been asking me "So are you going to the mission field next?" "Are you going overseas after you graduate this summer?" "You're definitely called to ministry!" and I feel the need to explain where I think God's next step is in my life.

First of all, I don't see myself overseas as a career missionary. To be a missionary is a lot more than liking a one week trip to the Ukraine. To be a missionary means the Gospel is the ONLY thing that sustains you. To be a missionary means you have a sense of church planting and effective witnessing. The only thing that satisfies you is knowing how you are bringing people to the Lord. To be a missionary is a very special calling.

Instead, I see God telling me that there are people from all over the world coming to my beloved homeland-the United States of America. People come to study, they come for better opportunities, they come for safety, they come for religious freedom-and they exchange their beloved homeland to be dubbed as a stranger to all. They speak a strange language-English-that makes communication a struggle every day. They are confused by our materialistic culture. These immigrants leave all they know and love behind for a better life. What better person to help these searching people out than an American?

Fear and embarrassment often drives the Christians away from these people who need friendship the most. People who love cross-cultural situations often overlook these people because you don't have the adventure of leaving the States to do this ministry. Because I love other cultures/languages, meeting new people, and mentoring people, I believe this is the ministry God has placed me in.

Currently my plan is to teach Spanish for the next two years as I get my Master's from FSU in Foreign/Second Language Teaching. From that point on, I hope to teach ESL in schools, non-profits and church ministries or to even lead a Christian ministry that helps immigrants and refugees adjust to life in the States. I will always love traveling and missions and God might even take me back overseas for a season of my life.




I know that the task that God has put ahead of me requires a lot of responsibility..but He gives me the power to do it yay! So Spidey Powers...away! Or something like dat!!

Guatemala Week 2-Brave?

I'm a ginger. I'm brave. Naturally, I look something like this.....

...NOT! This is what I really look like, particularly when I am hiking or doing something nasty involving bugs or snakes or that's really scary and dumb!

See, I have the tendency to forget which ginger I truly am. I sometimes think that I'm that awesome chick from Brave and then I get myself into a bigger situation than I can handle and then I run away crying like I did in the picture when we went hiking through the mosquito filled jungle. I get cocky. I get arrogant. And then I run away.

Because this week I've seen how small and silly I am. I'm the Spanish teacher in the group after all, but I accidentally translated that one of the babies escaped from their cribs instead of saying the baby just broke their crib. I'm weak. I often require water and potty breaks.  I'm overly emotional-I've cried three times in two weeks in front of the other workers for no good reason whatsoever.

My weaknesses make me want to hide from the world, like a turtle in its shell, and be safe from mistakes or awkward situations. But God has called me to love Him and to love the people He has made and died for.

Loving people the way God calls us to means getting out of our comfort zone and knowing that we're not perfect, but somehow God uses us anyway. And the best part? When we still do awesome things despite our stupidity, God get the credit for it cuz no one that lame like me could do these things anyway. So knowing that God gets the glory no matter what mistakes I make or how lame I might be makes me want to be brave.

Yay for a brave ginger!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqSs39C3LN8

Guatemala-David and Goliath

So if you read my last post, I promised you at the end I'd tell you a cooler story about how I saw God work through the classic biblical story of David and Goliath in the life of one of my girls this week..which is even cooler than Junior Asparagus as Dave! Can you say waaaaa???

Every night before the girls go to bed, we hang. We do stupid things. Two days ago we did the salsa. Yesterday we played an INTENSE version of Simon Says. Today we merely just took stupid pictures together like this.....

On Tuesday, I was just chilling and talking to the girls about life when randomly one of them asked me to tell them a Bible story. So cool. I told them the story of David and Goliath and added that "When we're small and we have to do something that we're too small to do, God gives us the strength to do it."

One of my girls, who's 5, started to tear up. "Do you have a mom?" she said.

"I do," I answered.

"And a dad?" she said.

"Yep," I said cautiously.

"You know something? My mom died two years ago. When my mom died, my dad abandoned me. He doesn't love me, so he sent me to live with my grandma. But so many kids live with her [that she couldn't feed us well and so I got sick from not eating] and she sent me here." I blinked back tears. This girl is only 5!

"Do you miss your mom?" I asked her.

"I do, so much," the little girl said, about to cry. "And my grandma lives so far away she doesn't visit me. But my godfather does. And I miss my mom very, very much."

"My friend died, too this year," I told her about my childhood friend and beloved classmate Brooke Rhoden. "But you know something, mi amor?"

"What?"

"When there's something we're too small to fight like David, God gives us the strength we need to fight our Goliaths. When you miss your mom, God will help you do what you can't do alone."

And the little girl smiled :) 

It's amazing how God just brought up a random story for this little girl who needed it the most! And if you feel like David trying to fight your Goliaths with just a measly pair of stones, remember that how small you are isn't important, but how big God is :) Doesn't that make you want to smile?!

Guatemala Week 1-With His help little guys can do big things, too!

Well kids, I'm about to wrap up my first week here in Guatemala! My kids call me "Seno Carolina"-which means Miss Caroline in English. They call all of the nannies that..so it looks like I've been upgraded from random gringa to nannyish kind of status. I better after the craziness these girls brought into my life today!!!!!!!! :D I was attempting to do the salsa with them here tehehe

And they are ALWAYS insisting that I push them harder on the swings! One of them even wrote a song about it. Ay yo........................

But even so, I love these girls like crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yet despite all of the fun that I've had, there have been so many times the past week that I've felt inadequate to do what God wants me to do here. Unlike most of the other interns, I had never been to the center before. I love children, but I have to work with a group of girls ranging from ages 3-10! There have been times when I have felt homesick, too. And while I speak Spanish fluently (I'm a Spanish teacher yo!) I make STUPID mistakes constantly, like saying "load" instead of "pregnancy" when I was translating for a doctor or saying "pepper" instead of "peanut."

But as I was watching Veggies Tales with some of the kids today, we watched Dave and the Giant Pickle (David and Goliath) episode. Junior Asparagus, who plays Dave/David, tells Archibald (King Saul) that with God's help, he can fight Goliath! He says (in the English version) about Goliath:

"He's big! But God's bigger!

And when I think of him, that's what I figure!

With His help, little guys can do big things, too!

With His help, I know that I can do big things, too!"

I can't do any of these big things. But God is bigger than them, and with His help I know that I can do big things, too!

Tomorrow I'll tell you an even cooler story about how God used David and Goliath in the life of one of my girls this week! But for now, it is time for a semi-hot shower and bedtime :) 

Guatemala 2013 Days 3 and 4-Compassion followed by Action

"I will go,
I will go, Lord send me
To the world, to the lost, to the poor and hungry
Take everything I have, I'm clay within Your hands
I will go, I will go, send me."-Starfield, "I Will Go."

Today has been one of the most physically, emotionally and mentally draining days of my life. I cared for 30 screaming 3-5 year olds for twelve hours. I translated also during that time in the midst of 92 laughing, crying,  chattering children. I burst out into tears as I saw some of the physical conditions that these malnourished children are in. I was broken.

And for me, this is life for the next five weeks. For the full-time workers, this IS there life.

But as a Christ follower, this is what we are called to do.

I'd say most of us have COMPASSION on the 92 malnourished children that live at the center and would consider its full-time workers to be heroes. But our compassion and admiration is useless unless it is followed by action and assistance. Compassion doesn't feed a starving child, but action does.

These past few days I've been completely encouraged by the other interns, volunteers and full-time staff workers who also believe that compassion without action will get you nowhere. Just like in a body you have so many different parts with different strengths that come together to do the same purpose in different ways.

I'm blown away by how I see this in the lives of our team. Howie, our director has an amazing sense of administration. Keith and Morgan are studying to be doctors and can help us medically with the needs of the children. Taylor, an aspiring social worker can encourage us when we're all feeling emotionally drained and continues to make us passionate about what we do. Megan, Brandy,  Lauren, Danielle, and Jessica are all elementary ed/kid related majors, and heaven knows we need someone to help entertain our babies! Art is retired and uses his gift of cooking and time sacrificially to feed us yummy things after a long day's work. And then you have me-the Spanish nerd-as I help with the language barrier.

So ready for what God does next!