So I don't really know how to start this blog without being cheesy. I know that I want to tell you kids about love and what it really is, but even that sounds lame. I could ask you what love is, but that sounds like a miserable Sunday School lesson. I could even name some dramatic stories of love, but that's too emotional.
But I've seen love misunderstood too many times for me to not write this blog entry. Because "love is or it ain't." People often see other things as love when it's really just attraction or selfish ambitions.
Love isn't an emotion, it's not a flowing, breathless feeling, it's not an obsession with the other person. It's not an enchantment with how perfect the other person is. It's not found in the fact that this person has every single thing you've been looking for. Love isn't believing this person will entirely satisfy you, because people are incapable of doing such. Love isn't staying with someone who harms you. Love isn't given just because someone loves you back.
Instead, love is an action, it's a thing that remains when feelings change, and surpasses merely being obsessed with someone, but instead putting their well being above all else. You might realize that there are things about their past that you wish weren't there or flaws found in who they are, yet you will forgive them and accept them regardless. Perhaps you find yourself loving someone completely different than who you'd thought you'd end up loving, but that doesn't change love. Love isn't believing this person will entirely satisfy you, but instead you trying to the best of your ability to satisfy this person and then pointing them to the One who can do the things you cannot. Love sometimes means loving from a distance and letting people go. But most of all, love is given when it is incapable of being given in return.
I've seen the absence of love when people claim to have love at first sight. That's not love, that's attraction, and while that often precedes love, that ain't love. Love isn't obsession, because I can know every fact about Barack Obama and think about him constantly, but that doesn't mean I love him. Love isn't staying with someone who is hurting you, that's just being insecure, and if someone continues to abuse you physically or emotionally, you need to love at a distance.
Yet I've seen abundant love when my parents love me even though they're upset that I totaled their car. Love is shown when a friend of mine fought hard to stay a virgin until her wedding night with desperately wanting her future husband to do the same, yet found out that her fiancee hadn't waited, yet she looks past his mistakes simply because she loves him. I see love when I watch my dad give up his Saturdays to make sure my brother whose disability prevents him from communicating have fun, even though Matthew can never tell him "I love you, Daddy." I heard about love when I learned that four of the victims in the recent Aurora shooting were boyfriends protecting their girlfriends from death.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Lessons Learned Part One
Five years may not seem like a significant amount of time to someone who's 70, 55, or even 40. But if your life consists of just 20 years like mine does, it's a pretty big chunk of time.
The years of ages 15, 16, 17, 18, and 19 were years chock full of life lessons. I cried from the consequences of my own mistakes, held my friends as they wept about theirs, and listened to the multiple warnings of my mother that I could "ruin my life in five minutes, so don't do it." I learned how fun it is to stay up late and giggle with your best girlfriends, put on make-up without looking like a clown, and how to relate to every single Taylor Swift song. I had a classmate commit suicide.
Lately I've been wishing that I could go back to the past five years and tell myself and my friends the lessons that I've learned now. There would have been far less man-hating sessions, girl drama, and indulging in chocolate chip cookies because I had an awful day and I needed some endorphins!
If I could go back in time, I'd tell myself and all of my friends in high school these things.
Myself at 15!
1. No one is better than you, but you are better than nobody. I believe that we are all created by God and that He loved us enough to die for each one of us. We all have the same Maker, who doesn't acknowledge the difference between poor or rich, popular or unliked. When I was fifteen, I was quite shy in high school because I was scared that no one liked me. I felt like everyone else was better than me, so I was often scared of talking to people. Since I didn't have a Coach purse like the pretty blonde cheerleader, a football player boyfriend, or wear a lot of makeup, I put myself at a lower category than others. I remember eating alone at lunch for the first month of my freshman year just because I didn't think I was worthy to talk to people.
I also felt like I was better than some people. I remember stating in class once that I thought that people who wore all black had mental problems, or being arrogant towards a girl who was promiscuous. No one is better than you, sure, but you are on the same level of everyone else.
When I started to believe that I had value and everyone else had the same value I had because of God, that's when I got out of my shell and changed completely. Years later at graduation, I was voted "Class Friendliest" by my peers. And it was all because that I realized, to quote Oklahoma, "I ain't better than nobody, but I'll be darned (she says something else here, but you get my drift) if I ain't just as good!"
2. Boys aren't worth the hassle. Trying to attract a boy for my friends and I when we were 17 meant waking up 1 1/2, sometimes 2 hours before we had to leave to do our hair, make-up, find a cute outfit, and shower before heading to school..at 7:20 AM. We would go jogging 45 minutes four times a week, count calories and eat tiny lunches just to keep those pounds off. Know how many dates I went on in high school? Zero.
Trying to hold down a boyfriend often meant letting him say terrible things to you and about you, putting up with drama from his ex-girlfriends and jealous friends, and doing sexual things with him you didn't want to do. I had so many friends who gave up their virginity just to keep some idiot boyfriend for three more weeks, months, whatever. They all got dumped afterword. It really broke my heart.
Ladies, if you have to go crazy trying to attract a boyfriend, it's not worth it!!! Take care of yourself, sure, but for Pete's sake, don't go as crazy as society expects us to! I didn't go on my first date until I was 18 with a guy I met at my college, and that was when I stopped caring so much about my appearance. Ironic, eh? As I learned from experience, if you have to put up with crap to hold down a boyfriend, LET HIM LOOSE!! You don't need to be treated like a piece of dirt or giving away your virginity to some guy who can get it from any girl who's available. As I also learned from experience, when the right one comes along whenever he does, he will love you for who you are even when you're PMSing, won't pressure you for sex, and will think you're beautiful even in no make-up and a t-shirt :) It sounds silly, but girl, I LIVED this one and it's true!
I'm not quite done with my reminiscing just yet, but now it's time to meet my boyfriend for lunch and head down to my volunteer job at FSU's international student center. But don't you worry. I have quite a bit to talk about what I learned those five years.
The years of ages 15, 16, 17, 18, and 19 were years chock full of life lessons. I cried from the consequences of my own mistakes, held my friends as they wept about theirs, and listened to the multiple warnings of my mother that I could "ruin my life in five minutes, so don't do it." I learned how fun it is to stay up late and giggle with your best girlfriends, put on make-up without looking like a clown, and how to relate to every single Taylor Swift song. I had a classmate commit suicide.
Lately I've been wishing that I could go back to the past five years and tell myself and my friends the lessons that I've learned now. There would have been far less man-hating sessions, girl drama, and indulging in chocolate chip cookies because I had an awful day and I needed some endorphins!
If I could go back in time, I'd tell myself and all of my friends in high school these things.
Myself at 15!
1. No one is better than you, but you are better than nobody. I believe that we are all created by God and that He loved us enough to die for each one of us. We all have the same Maker, who doesn't acknowledge the difference between poor or rich, popular or unliked. When I was fifteen, I was quite shy in high school because I was scared that no one liked me. I felt like everyone else was better than me, so I was often scared of talking to people. Since I didn't have a Coach purse like the pretty blonde cheerleader, a football player boyfriend, or wear a lot of makeup, I put myself at a lower category than others. I remember eating alone at lunch for the first month of my freshman year just because I didn't think I was worthy to talk to people.
I also felt like I was better than some people. I remember stating in class once that I thought that people who wore all black had mental problems, or being arrogant towards a girl who was promiscuous. No one is better than you, sure, but you are on the same level of everyone else.
When I started to believe that I had value and everyone else had the same value I had because of God, that's when I got out of my shell and changed completely. Years later at graduation, I was voted "Class Friendliest" by my peers. And it was all because that I realized, to quote Oklahoma, "I ain't better than nobody, but I'll be darned (she says something else here, but you get my drift) if I ain't just as good!"
2. Boys aren't worth the hassle. Trying to attract a boy for my friends and I when we were 17 meant waking up 1 1/2, sometimes 2 hours before we had to leave to do our hair, make-up, find a cute outfit, and shower before heading to school..at 7:20 AM. We would go jogging 45 minutes four times a week, count calories and eat tiny lunches just to keep those pounds off. Know how many dates I went on in high school? Zero.
Trying to hold down a boyfriend often meant letting him say terrible things to you and about you, putting up with drama from his ex-girlfriends and jealous friends, and doing sexual things with him you didn't want to do. I had so many friends who gave up their virginity just to keep some idiot boyfriend for three more weeks, months, whatever. They all got dumped afterword. It really broke my heart.
Ladies, if you have to go crazy trying to attract a boyfriend, it's not worth it!!! Take care of yourself, sure, but for Pete's sake, don't go as crazy as society expects us to! I didn't go on my first date until I was 18 with a guy I met at my college, and that was when I stopped caring so much about my appearance. Ironic, eh? As I learned from experience, if you have to put up with crap to hold down a boyfriend, LET HIM LOOSE!! You don't need to be treated like a piece of dirt or giving away your virginity to some guy who can get it from any girl who's available. As I also learned from experience, when the right one comes along whenever he does, he will love you for who you are even when you're PMSing, won't pressure you for sex, and will think you're beautiful even in no make-up and a t-shirt :) It sounds silly, but girl, I LIVED this one and it's true!
I'm not quite done with my reminiscing just yet, but now it's time to meet my boyfriend for lunch and head down to my volunteer job at FSU's international student center. But don't you worry. I have quite a bit to talk about what I learned those five years.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Love Letters
Two months is a long time to be 4,000 miles away from the man you love, and two phone calls a week isn't enough to be able to say all that you want to say to him, either.
When Andy and I started to fall in love this spring, we dreaded the season that would come after spring-the summer we would face apart.You see, I felt God calling me to use my love of Spanish and the Bible to move to a tiny village called San Jose de Quero that's 13,000 ft. up in the Andes Mountains of Peru and disciple new believers for two months. While I was excited about this adventure, I knew how hard it'd be to be away from Andy for that long. He started to feel the same thing.
So then the love letters begun.
We wrote each other a letter every day, each for one of the 61 days I'd be gone. The letters started out as cute and almost puppy lovish, but grew more romantic with every day that we'd fall deeper in love. The day that I left for Lima, we exchanged our letters with tears in my eyes.
This summer, I clung to every word Andy had written me. Starting each morning with one of God's love letters in the Bible followed by one of Andy's, I'd walk into our hostel kitchen with a big grin on my face every morning. Days when I missed Andy or wanted to be reminded of all of the wonderful memories I've made with him, I'd reread yesterday's letter and count down the days until I'd run into his arms at the Jacksonville International Airport once more. It was something so beautiful to read each morning before I'd do ministry.
After nearly nine weeks of counting down the days, on July 20 I ran off that plane and into Andy's arms!!!! That night as I was getting ready for bed and starting to read my Bible, I thanked God for no longer having to read Andy's love letters but to be in his presence instead.
And suddenly it dawned on me, as I stared at God's letter of His great love for humanity. For now I only read God's love letters, but one day I'll be in his presence instead.
Oh how my heart longs for that day! To see with my own eyes and to have full understanding of the things I always asked God about on Earth. To touch love and feel Christ's nail-scarred hands, the sacrifice He made so I could be there. To be reunited with the One who I love more than anything.
Now I read His letters eagerly, but I long for the day that I'll no longer have to do that and be in His presence instead.
Andy and I the night after I got back!
When Andy and I started to fall in love this spring, we dreaded the season that would come after spring-the summer we would face apart.You see, I felt God calling me to use my love of Spanish and the Bible to move to a tiny village called San Jose de Quero that's 13,000 ft. up in the Andes Mountains of Peru and disciple new believers for two months. While I was excited about this adventure, I knew how hard it'd be to be away from Andy for that long. He started to feel the same thing.
So then the love letters begun.
We wrote each other a letter every day, each for one of the 61 days I'd be gone. The letters started out as cute and almost puppy lovish, but grew more romantic with every day that we'd fall deeper in love. The day that I left for Lima, we exchanged our letters with tears in my eyes.
This summer, I clung to every word Andy had written me. Starting each morning with one of God's love letters in the Bible followed by one of Andy's, I'd walk into our hostel kitchen with a big grin on my face every morning. Days when I missed Andy or wanted to be reminded of all of the wonderful memories I've made with him, I'd reread yesterday's letter and count down the days until I'd run into his arms at the Jacksonville International Airport once more. It was something so beautiful to read each morning before I'd do ministry.
After nearly nine weeks of counting down the days, on July 20 I ran off that plane and into Andy's arms!!!! That night as I was getting ready for bed and starting to read my Bible, I thanked God for no longer having to read Andy's love letters but to be in his presence instead.
And suddenly it dawned on me, as I stared at God's letter of His great love for humanity. For now I only read God's love letters, but one day I'll be in his presence instead.
Oh how my heart longs for that day! To see with my own eyes and to have full understanding of the things I always asked God about on Earth. To touch love and feel Christ's nail-scarred hands, the sacrifice He made so I could be there. To be reunited with the One who I love more than anything.
Now I read His letters eagerly, but I long for the day that I'll no longer have to do that and be in His presence instead.
Andy and I the night after I got back!
Monday, March 26, 2012
God's Love
Have you read my post before this one? If not, you totally should, or if you have, go back and reread a bit of it. It was crazy, because while I was convinced that no one was noticing me, a very special man was at the exact same time I wrote that. Now God has blessed me with being able to call this guy my boyfriend. I am so thankful for the time I've had with him and for whatever God has in store!
Spending time with this amazing person next to me in this photo has made me see the greater love of God and how His love is reflected in relationships. I see it in the way people look for a companion, how people try to get to know that person, and how love is nothing without sacrifice.
First of all, we are all looking for love and acceptance. Usually this means we are looking for a significant other, but other times we just want to find this love from family or friends. There is a definite need in the human heart for love and just knowing that people will look at every part of us and see that we are good. Yet the problem with human love is that it can often be conditional. If you don't fulfill whatever goal your parents have for you, then you may find your parents don't love you as much. If you don't have sex with your boyfriend, he might leave you. If you aren't the size 6 you were when you were 23, your husband might be tempted to cheat on you. Human love fails. Yet Romans 5:28 says that "God proves His own love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Before we even loved God, when we were turned against Him, He loved us! Romans 8:38-39 goes on to say that "nothing can separate us from the love of Jesus Christ our Lord!" God will love us no matter what we do or do not do.
I've also noticed that the more time I spend with my boyfriend, the more I want to know him. The more I know him, the harder it is to say goodnight. I am always trying to get to know Andy..I want to know every little thing about him. I become closer to him by texting him often, calling him on the phone every morning, and spending every time I can with him. This need for intimacy reflects our need to know our Maker, yet we will only know God if we seek Him with all of our heart. "You will seek Me and find Me when you seek with all of your heart," Jeremiah 29:13 tells us. If you don't know God, maybe you really aren't looking.
What is love without sacrifice? Every day Andy gives and gives and gives for our relationship, and I try to give right back everything he has given me. Yet as humans, we are selfish from the start. Why do you think one of the first words of babies is "Mine!"? I feel like it's impossible with our selfish nature to give 100% of ourselves to the people we love. Yet the sacrifice of Christ surpasses all. John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this; that he should lay down his life for his friends." Jesus paid it ALL for us, the condemned, the ones who deserved the judgement of God on us, with His life.
When human love reveals a greater love of God, what can we do? Seeing the love of God shows me that I am defined by that unfailing love alone, and no one else's love will define who I am. It also helps me show that love to other people, because God loves them just as much as He loves me.
But most of all, God's love is the only love that I need.
First of all, we are all looking for love and acceptance. Usually this means we are looking for a significant other, but other times we just want to find this love from family or friends. There is a definite need in the human heart for love and just knowing that people will look at every part of us and see that we are good. Yet the problem with human love is that it can often be conditional. If you don't fulfill whatever goal your parents have for you, then you may find your parents don't love you as much. If you don't have sex with your boyfriend, he might leave you. If you aren't the size 6 you were when you were 23, your husband might be tempted to cheat on you. Human love fails. Yet Romans 5:28 says that "God proves His own love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Before we even loved God, when we were turned against Him, He loved us! Romans 8:38-39 goes on to say that "nothing can separate us from the love of Jesus Christ our Lord!" God will love us no matter what we do or do not do.
I've also noticed that the more time I spend with my boyfriend, the more I want to know him. The more I know him, the harder it is to say goodnight. I am always trying to get to know Andy..I want to know every little thing about him. I become closer to him by texting him often, calling him on the phone every morning, and spending every time I can with him. This need for intimacy reflects our need to know our Maker, yet we will only know God if we seek Him with all of our heart. "You will seek Me and find Me when you seek with all of your heart," Jeremiah 29:13 tells us. If you don't know God, maybe you really aren't looking.
What is love without sacrifice? Every day Andy gives and gives and gives for our relationship, and I try to give right back everything he has given me. Yet as humans, we are selfish from the start. Why do you think one of the first words of babies is "Mine!"? I feel like it's impossible with our selfish nature to give 100% of ourselves to the people we love. Yet the sacrifice of Christ surpasses all. John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this; that he should lay down his life for his friends." Jesus paid it ALL for us, the condemned, the ones who deserved the judgement of God on us, with His life.
When human love reveals a greater love of God, what can we do? Seeing the love of God shows me that I am defined by that unfailing love alone, and no one else's love will define who I am. It also helps me show that love to other people, because God loves them just as much as He loves me.
But most of all, God's love is the only love that I need.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
I have lived through 20 Valentine's Days. Oh I am ancient.
And for 19 of them (including this one), I have not had a Valentine. Sad, huh?????
You know, I used to think that my life would never be complete until I'd find Prince Charming. Somehow I thought that having a man in my life would fix things. All I wanted was someone (other than my mom) to think that I was completely beautiful on the inside and out. And sometimes I still feel this way. This weekend my best friend back home and her boyfriend came to visit me, which was awesome! But, as those two and then my sister (who I consider to be my other best friend) and her boyfriend were all hanging out, I felt kinda lame because I didn't have anyone :( Have you ever been able to relate to this?
But God has been teaching this ol' heart of mine a few things lately. For one, a relationship status does not define who I am, because love comes and goes. Don't let whether or not you have a significant other influence your confidence, because what if you lose that relationship or never get one? Let the fact that you are awesome, period, because God made you affect your confidence.
Secondly, perhaps I'm meant to be single at a time like this. I think about all of the things I'm able to do because I'm single and it's awesome! I can work with international students several hours a week, teach conversational English for three hours a week, be active in my church, and go to South America for two months this summer without worrying about a boyfriend back home. I can also focus on me! :D
Finally, people are going to let you down. Until you're happy being single, you won't be happy in a relationship. Love isn't the cure to happiness, because there are plenty of unhappy taken people, too.
Wherever you are in life, learn to be content. Focus on what you do have and realize that God will give you what you don't have when the time is right. Count your many blessings in all seaons that you're in!
On a final note, February 14 is Mexican Food Day. Who cares about Valentine's Day??? Eat Mexican food instead, people!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here is a picture of some friends and I eating Mexican food. Do this instead on February 14. I know that's what I'll be doing.
And for 19 of them (including this one), I have not had a Valentine. Sad, huh?????
You know, I used to think that my life would never be complete until I'd find Prince Charming. Somehow I thought that having a man in my life would fix things. All I wanted was someone (other than my mom) to think that I was completely beautiful on the inside and out. And sometimes I still feel this way. This weekend my best friend back home and her boyfriend came to visit me, which was awesome! But, as those two and then my sister (who I consider to be my other best friend) and her boyfriend were all hanging out, I felt kinda lame because I didn't have anyone :( Have you ever been able to relate to this?
But God has been teaching this ol' heart of mine a few things lately. For one, a relationship status does not define who I am, because love comes and goes. Don't let whether or not you have a significant other influence your confidence, because what if you lose that relationship or never get one? Let the fact that you are awesome, period, because God made you affect your confidence.
Secondly, perhaps I'm meant to be single at a time like this. I think about all of the things I'm able to do because I'm single and it's awesome! I can work with international students several hours a week, teach conversational English for three hours a week, be active in my church, and go to South America for two months this summer without worrying about a boyfriend back home. I can also focus on me! :D
Finally, people are going to let you down. Until you're happy being single, you won't be happy in a relationship. Love isn't the cure to happiness, because there are plenty of unhappy taken people, too.
Wherever you are in life, learn to be content. Focus on what you do have and realize that God will give you what you don't have when the time is right. Count your many blessings in all seaons that you're in!
On a final note, February 14 is Mexican Food Day. Who cares about Valentine's Day??? Eat Mexican food instead, people!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here is a picture of some friends and I eating Mexican food. Do this instead on February 14. I know that's what I'll be doing.
Friday, February 3, 2012
To Be Loved
I want to be loved.
I know that I have friends who love me and a family whose love would lead them to do anything for me. But I long for that "other" type of love. I want to find that man who sees every flaw and every silly thing that I do, but loves me regardless. I can't wait until I meet the person who understands me completely, who is delighted upon just seeing me walk into the room he's standing in, and who thinks so similarly to me that he can finish my sentences, yet he makes up for everything that I lack. I'm ready to be enchanted, for him to be my prince and for me to be his princess, I as the bride and he as the groom. I want to find that man who would lay down his life to save me.
Tonight I just got back from a super busy day/night at school and doing international student ministry. While I should feel strengthened, I feel discouraged instead and it has nothing to do with tonight. It's about wanting to be loved. I see my friends and family finding that type of love, but no one seems to be capable of loving me that way. I ask God, could there be something wrong with me? Maybe if I was ten pounds lighter, maybe if I did a better job with my hair and make-up, or maybe if I didn't have such a quirky personality I'd find someone.
As I start to name the list of flaws in me, tears fall from my eyes as I sink into the couch at my apartment.
"I just want to be loved, God," I whisper.
"But you are," He whispers back. Goosebumps form as I feel God's presence. Yet I laugh at God and roll my eyes.
"I know that I have friends. My mom thinks I'm cool. But that doesn't count. You know what I mean, God."
"You don't understand, My child. You are loved, more than you can imagine."
And all of a sudden it's so clear.
My Maker sees all of me, and He still says I'm good. Somehow He looks past all of my failures and calls me His child. He looks past all of my flaws and loves me anyway. I want that type of love, right?
Christ knows me better than I know myself, yet what I am not, I AM. Everything I'm not, He is.
The Bible calls the Church "the bride" and Christ is the groom. But most of all, Christ laid down His life to save me. He saw me worth dying for. Isn't that what I want most, someone who'd give up their life to save my very own?
As I become aware of these things, I conclude perhaps my desire to be loved by a man is a greater reflection of my ultimate need to be loved by God. In other words, maybe we want relationships so much because God uses them to show us how we need a relationship with the Great Romancer that no other person can fulfill.
The secret to joy is to be loved by Jesus Christ, for nothing else shall satisfy.
I know that I have friends who love me and a family whose love would lead them to do anything for me. But I long for that "other" type of love. I want to find that man who sees every flaw and every silly thing that I do, but loves me regardless. I can't wait until I meet the person who understands me completely, who is delighted upon just seeing me walk into the room he's standing in, and who thinks so similarly to me that he can finish my sentences, yet he makes up for everything that I lack. I'm ready to be enchanted, for him to be my prince and for me to be his princess, I as the bride and he as the groom. I want to find that man who would lay down his life to save me.
Tonight I just got back from a super busy day/night at school and doing international student ministry. While I should feel strengthened, I feel discouraged instead and it has nothing to do with tonight. It's about wanting to be loved. I see my friends and family finding that type of love, but no one seems to be capable of loving me that way. I ask God, could there be something wrong with me? Maybe if I was ten pounds lighter, maybe if I did a better job with my hair and make-up, or maybe if I didn't have such a quirky personality I'd find someone.
As I start to name the list of flaws in me, tears fall from my eyes as I sink into the couch at my apartment.
"I just want to be loved, God," I whisper.
"But you are," He whispers back. Goosebumps form as I feel God's presence. Yet I laugh at God and roll my eyes.
"I know that I have friends. My mom thinks I'm cool. But that doesn't count. You know what I mean, God."
"You don't understand, My child. You are loved, more than you can imagine."
And all of a sudden it's so clear.
My Maker sees all of me, and He still says I'm good. Somehow He looks past all of my failures and calls me His child. He looks past all of my flaws and loves me anyway. I want that type of love, right?
Christ knows me better than I know myself, yet what I am not, I AM. Everything I'm not, He is.
The Bible calls the Church "the bride" and Christ is the groom. But most of all, Christ laid down His life to save me. He saw me worth dying for. Isn't that what I want most, someone who'd give up their life to save my very own?
As I become aware of these things, I conclude perhaps my desire to be loved by a man is a greater reflection of my ultimate need to be loved by God. In other words, maybe we want relationships so much because God uses them to show us how we need a relationship with the Great Romancer that no other person can fulfill.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Worth the Wait
Lately I've found myself in a situation where I had to make a choice about my values, about the type of woman I want to be, and one that could very well affect my future. It's a choice that some people make wrecklessly and crash and burn, yet others weigh the possible consequences and make the right choice.
What choice am I rambling about?
I've had to make the choice whether or not I want to stay a virgin until I was married.
When I was younger I would always promise myself that I'd stay a virgin until my wedding night. It would be no big deal. If and when I was ever pressured to have sex or do anything sexual, I'd say "No way, Jose!" and that'd be the end of that. I wore a True Love Waits ring, signed a vow and everything. I was all about the purity.
But with the temptations of being at a wild party school and a few guys with bad intentions in mind knocking on my door, deciding to remain a virgin is something I've had to think about constantly. Does anyone want to date a virgin? Is virginity such a big deal, anyway? Is one time really going to hurt anything? Should I just try it so I have experience and don't feel so clueless all of the time?
Then God brings different thoughts in my mind. I think about the man I want to marry one day, and how it will be so worth the wait to save my body for him. It will be so special and romantic. I see the kids I hope to have and I think about how I want to tell them to wait for their spouse, because I did for mine and it was so worth it. I also see the consequences and regrets of friends I have who didn't wait. They got pregnant, caught STD's, had their reputations ruined, have damaged self-esteem, and everything. It seems to me like five minutes of pleasure can equal a lifetime of pain, but five minutes without pleasure equals instead a lifetime without pain.
The wait is hard, I'm not going to lie. I get tired of getting dubbed as the goody-two shoes, innocent girl all of the time. I'm trying to be especially careful about what I wear...I don't want to give guys even the slightest hint that my body is available. I'm going to watch how I present myself and what situations can be dangerous (I've learned about this the hard way). The worst thing is on those lonely nights when I'm wondering where on earth God's man for me is at, I wonder how much longer this season of waiting will last.
But no matter how long I have to wait, I know that the wait will be worth it.
What choice am I rambling about?
I've had to make the choice whether or not I want to stay a virgin until I was married.
When I was younger I would always promise myself that I'd stay a virgin until my wedding night. It would be no big deal. If and when I was ever pressured to have sex or do anything sexual, I'd say "No way, Jose!" and that'd be the end of that. I wore a True Love Waits ring, signed a vow and everything. I was all about the purity.
But with the temptations of being at a wild party school and a few guys with bad intentions in mind knocking on my door, deciding to remain a virgin is something I've had to think about constantly. Does anyone want to date a virgin? Is virginity such a big deal, anyway? Is one time really going to hurt anything? Should I just try it so I have experience and don't feel so clueless all of the time?
Then God brings different thoughts in my mind. I think about the man I want to marry one day, and how it will be so worth the wait to save my body for him. It will be so special and romantic. I see the kids I hope to have and I think about how I want to tell them to wait for their spouse, because I did for mine and it was so worth it. I also see the consequences and regrets of friends I have who didn't wait. They got pregnant, caught STD's, had their reputations ruined, have damaged self-esteem, and everything. It seems to me like five minutes of pleasure can equal a lifetime of pain, but five minutes without pleasure equals instead a lifetime without pain.
The wait is hard, I'm not going to lie. I get tired of getting dubbed as the goody-two shoes, innocent girl all of the time. I'm trying to be especially careful about what I wear...I don't want to give guys even the slightest hint that my body is available. I'm going to watch how I present myself and what situations can be dangerous (I've learned about this the hard way). The worst thing is on those lonely nights when I'm wondering where on earth God's man for me is at, I wonder how much longer this season of waiting will last.
But no matter how long I have to wait, I know that the wait will be worth it.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Snow White and Her Dwarf Dates
Snow White sighed and collapsed on her bed. She clutched Cinderella's wedding invitation in her hand and watched it fall to the floor. Cinderella and her used to be besties, you know? They used to sing songs together about dreams your heart makes, handsome princes, and lots and lots of love! On lonely nights when all of the other girls were out dancing with their men, Cindy and Snow White had hung out and done girl stuff. Those were the glory days, the days that were fading just like the sunset that Cinderella and the Prince had faded away into.
All of Snow White's other princess friends had found someone! Aurora found her prince and even got to sleep for 100 years, too! Jasmine fell in love with a street boy named Aladdin, which was weird, but at least her dad finally gave the approval! Giselle married some weirdo from the land of New York, too, but at least it was true love's kiss! Even ARIEL, who had like the strictest father in the world, was married to Prince Eric and got to become a human so she could marry him. That was especially lame, because Snow White and Prince Eric used to hang out (as friends). But ever since he had fallen in love with the Red Head, their friendship was no more.
"Someday my prince will come," Snow White quietly sang to herself as tears fell down her eyes. She was tired of being alone. Despite what people said about her being "the fairest of them all," Snow White felt so ugly and unloveable. No one would fall in love with her.
"WAKE UP, SLEEPY!!!!!!!" an ugly voice shouted, taking Snow White away from her thoughts. Ugh, that was Grumpy talking. So how about Snow White lived with seven dwarves?? How this happened was a long story for sure.
Hey.
Maybe Snow White's prince was among one of the dwarves. Maybe the one she was meant to be with was one of them. Okay, so they sure weren't princes. They weren't what she was looking for. But she was so tired of being alone and just wanted a happily ever after like everyone else. It was worth a shot.
"Hey, Grumpy," Snow White said in her flirtiest voice possible, winking her big bright eye.
**********************************************************************************
Hello, reader!
If you made it THAT far into my little tale, you were probably pretty ticked off once you got to the end of the story. Snow White decided to give up on waiting for her prince and settled for a nasty, angry dwarf!!!!! Some fairy tale, huh?!
But maybe you related to the beginning of my story when Snow White feels lonely because all of her princess friends have found someone, and she's convinced something is wrong with her. I definitely feel that way sometimes when I realize that at least half of my girlfriends in high school are engaged/married, and I'm humming "I Just Haven't Met You Yet" to myself on the way in between classes to make myself feel better about being alone.
When we get so tired of being alone, we tend to settle for whatever guy comes our way. But the guys we settle for are usually awful, and even if they're okay what if the great Romancer has something better for us in mind? If Snow White had realllly settled for Grumpy, then when her prince came by a bit later on he couldn't marry her because she was already taken. I'm sure Snow White would have totally regreted this!!!
On those days you're tired of being alone, invest yourself first in the One who gave His life to save you, because that's the only place you'll find rest. Then, give your life 100% to whatever He puts your way. Until I find someone, I'm focusing 100% on the international student ministry I'm involved with, becoming the best future Spanish teacher I can be, and preparing my heart to work in the ministry one day. Don't become distracted by the things around you, but focus on what's ahead.
Because after all, today's a gift. But someday your prince will come. Don't forget that, my friend.
All of Snow White's other princess friends had found someone! Aurora found her prince and even got to sleep for 100 years, too! Jasmine fell in love with a street boy named Aladdin, which was weird, but at least her dad finally gave the approval! Giselle married some weirdo from the land of New York, too, but at least it was true love's kiss! Even ARIEL, who had like the strictest father in the world, was married to Prince Eric and got to become a human so she could marry him. That was especially lame, because Snow White and Prince Eric used to hang out (as friends). But ever since he had fallen in love with the Red Head, their friendship was no more.
"Someday my prince will come," Snow White quietly sang to herself as tears fell down her eyes. She was tired of being alone. Despite what people said about her being "the fairest of them all," Snow White felt so ugly and unloveable. No one would fall in love with her.
"WAKE UP, SLEEPY!!!!!!!" an ugly voice shouted, taking Snow White away from her thoughts. Ugh, that was Grumpy talking. So how about Snow White lived with seven dwarves?? How this happened was a long story for sure.
Hey.
Maybe Snow White's prince was among one of the dwarves. Maybe the one she was meant to be with was one of them. Okay, so they sure weren't princes. They weren't what she was looking for. But she was so tired of being alone and just wanted a happily ever after like everyone else. It was worth a shot.
"Hey, Grumpy," Snow White said in her flirtiest voice possible, winking her big bright eye.
**********************************************************************************
Hello, reader!
If you made it THAT far into my little tale, you were probably pretty ticked off once you got to the end of the story. Snow White decided to give up on waiting for her prince and settled for a nasty, angry dwarf!!!!! Some fairy tale, huh?!
But maybe you related to the beginning of my story when Snow White feels lonely because all of her princess friends have found someone, and she's convinced something is wrong with her. I definitely feel that way sometimes when I realize that at least half of my girlfriends in high school are engaged/married, and I'm humming "I Just Haven't Met You Yet" to myself on the way in between classes to make myself feel better about being alone.
When we get so tired of being alone, we tend to settle for whatever guy comes our way. But the guys we settle for are usually awful, and even if they're okay what if the great Romancer has something better for us in mind? If Snow White had realllly settled for Grumpy, then when her prince came by a bit later on he couldn't marry her because she was already taken. I'm sure Snow White would have totally regreted this!!!
On those days you're tired of being alone, invest yourself first in the One who gave His life to save you, because that's the only place you'll find rest. Then, give your life 100% to whatever He puts your way. Until I find someone, I'm focusing 100% on the international student ministry I'm involved with, becoming the best future Spanish teacher I can be, and preparing my heart to work in the ministry one day. Don't become distracted by the things around you, but focus on what's ahead.
Because after all, today's a gift. But someday your prince will come. Don't forget that, my friend.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Cinderella and You!
I'm pretty certain that you know the story of Cinderella. I liked her dress so much I tried to find one like it for my senior prom!
But yes. I liked Cinderella. And I have actually found some realistic stuff in her love story!
Okay. Remember how her fairy godmother made her this awesome dress that was espeically designed for her? This included an gorgeous pair of glass slippers that would only fit Cinderella especially. Now, let's fast forward to the ball where she dances with...gasp...the prince!!!! It was love at first sight. Princey dear knew that Cinderella was the one as soon as he laid eyes on her. They danced all night. But then, the clock was about to strike 12, and Cinderella's dress/accesories would turn into the nasty rags they were before. So in a mad dash to not let the prince see her true identity, she runs away!! He's like "Dude, what the heck! I thought she liked me! Why is she leaving?" Meanwhile, Cinderella is in such a hurry to get outta there that her slipper falls off of her foot..and she just leaves it behind.
Our prince friend knows that this glass slipper that was left behind will only fit Cinderella. He is determined to find her, the one for him, so he tries the shoe on every single girl in his kingdom. It never works, and he gets frustrated. I kinda wonder if he met a few girls who he liked, but he knew the shoe didn't fit. When this happened, someone's heart got broken, because even though the attraction was mutual, she wasn't the one he was looking for. Finally, he stubbled into one home where the two girls there broke the slipper he had! I bet he was ticked. But then, all of a sudden this beautiful maid (Cinderella) emerges from the corners and hands him the other slipper. And you know what? It fit just right. He found the one. Awwwwwwwwwww.
Now what does this have to do with you, my Chronicles of a Young Woman reader???
If you're not married and want to be one day, then I'd say you are like the prince. You have been given something kind of like a slipper by God-a huge bundle of personality, dreams, wishes, etc. that will fit perfectly with one person-the person God had in mind when He created you. Whether you admit to it or not, you're looking for that person who will fit perfectly into your slipper. You're looking at the people you see, studying them to see if they would be a good fit for what God has given you. You meet someone and you think that they might fit your slipper, so you date them. But soon one of you realizes that the slipper doesn't fit, and one of you gets your heart broken. Other times, you'll find someone where the attraction is mutual, but you know that the slipper won't fit because of circumstances. For example, I went on a few dates with a guy last year who had everything I wanted. He loved Spanish, he was funny and friendly, easy to talk to, and he was cute. But I knew things couldn't work out because he didn't have a relationship with Jesus, and I had to call things off even though I didn't want to.
If you're not married and want to be one day, then I'd say you are like the prince. You have been given something kind of like a slipper by God-a huge bundle of personality, dreams, wishes, etc. that will fit perfectly with one person-the person God had in mind when He created you. Whether you admit to it or not, you're looking for that person who will fit perfectly into your slipper. You're looking at the people you see, studying them to see if they would be a good fit for what God has given you. You meet someone and you think that they might fit your slipper, so you date them. But soon one of you realizes that the slipper doesn't fit, and one of you gets your heart broken. Other times, you'll find someone where the attraction is mutual, but you know that the slipper won't fit because of circumstances. For example, I went on a few dates with a guy last year who had everything I wanted. He loved Spanish, he was funny and friendly, easy to talk to, and he was cute. But I knew things couldn't work out because he didn't have a relationship with Jesus, and I had to call things off even though I didn't want to.
Look, if you find someone you like but you know you could never marry because they're not compatible with you, don't pursue that relationship any further, because you're just wasting their time. Plus, you could be with someone else and find your Cinderella. With that being said, when you get frustrated about never finding the right person no matter how hard you look, never give up. Just like the prince never thought Cinderella would be working as a maid, you'll probably find the right person in the place you least expect it. Remember that true love with the right person is worth waiting for. And most of all, they'll have a glass slipper that matches, yours, too.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Price Tag
I like to go clothes shopping...sometimes. That is, I like it when I find cute clothes that fit, when I'm not hungry/tired/bored, when I don't have to buy jeans and can instead buy cute dresses and shirts instead of stupid pants, and when I find good deals. Heck, I'm crazy about spending the least amount of money possible! I am constantly checking price tags. For example, if I'm trying to decide between two pairs of shoes, I automatically go with whatever is cheaper. It solves my problem, right???
Lately I've realized that I assign price tags to people like stores give clothes prices based on how much society says they are worth or how they have treated me in the past. Some people are more valuable than others. It goes like this.
That annoying kid who had a crush on me a while back and stalked me constantly? 15% off his value!
This girl I know who was a total snob to everyone? 30% off!
That girl who was mean to me for no good reason? Buy one, get one free!
And sometimes I even calculate my value based on the things that I've done and what I look like:
Okay, I've got curly red hair that I'm pretty proud of, so that's a $20 value. But I'm not as skinny as Emmy, so that's $5 off my value. But at least I'm nice. So that's $7 back. And I dress cuter than Macy, not to mention I'm active in FSU campus stuff. So that's $2 back. But then I don't...
...and the cycle goes on. In the past I've hesistated talking to someone who makes me look bad in fear that I'll look bad and that will lower my value on the price system. I also thought that I was of low value and didn't deserve to talk to other people, because they all thought I was weird.
But lately, God has been working on this judgemental heart of mine. I've realized that God doesn't assign price tags based on the good or bad things that we do, the people who we are or aren't, or what society tells us that the image in the mirror means we are. When Christ holds our price tag in His scarred hands, He remembered that our cost to redeem us from our mistakes was high-it cost Him His life on a bloody cross. God loved you enough to die for you. He didn't just pay a six-figure check for your ransom, He paid His very life. When I realized this at age 14 for the first time and became a Christian, it changed my world. As I continue to realize this today, it makes me realize that everyone is worth dying for in God's eyes, so who am I to treat anyone differently than anyone else? It also makes me see that I am no better than anyone and no one is better than me, so I have confidence.
I'm a red-head. I'm a Spanish teacher in training. I'm an American, an English language teacher, a vice-president of an amazing organization, a former ballerina. But none of these things are my value. I find my value in the death of Christ alone.
Lately I've realized that I assign price tags to people like stores give clothes prices based on how much society says they are worth or how they have treated me in the past. Some people are more valuable than others. It goes like this.
That annoying kid who had a crush on me a while back and stalked me constantly? 15% off his value!
This girl I know who was a total snob to everyone? 30% off!
That girl who was mean to me for no good reason? Buy one, get one free!
And sometimes I even calculate my value based on the things that I've done and what I look like:
Okay, I've got curly red hair that I'm pretty proud of, so that's a $20 value. But I'm not as skinny as Emmy, so that's $5 off my value. But at least I'm nice. So that's $7 back. And I dress cuter than Macy, not to mention I'm active in FSU campus stuff. So that's $2 back. But then I don't...
...and the cycle goes on. In the past I've hesistated talking to someone who makes me look bad in fear that I'll look bad and that will lower my value on the price system. I also thought that I was of low value and didn't deserve to talk to other people, because they all thought I was weird.
But lately, God has been working on this judgemental heart of mine. I've realized that God doesn't assign price tags based on the good or bad things that we do, the people who we are or aren't, or what society tells us that the image in the mirror means we are. When Christ holds our price tag in His scarred hands, He remembered that our cost to redeem us from our mistakes was high-it cost Him His life on a bloody cross. God loved you enough to die for you. He didn't just pay a six-figure check for your ransom, He paid His very life. When I realized this at age 14 for the first time and became a Christian, it changed my world. As I continue to realize this today, it makes me realize that everyone is worth dying for in God's eyes, so who am I to treat anyone differently than anyone else? It also makes me see that I am no better than anyone and no one is better than me, so I have confidence.
I'm a red-head. I'm a Spanish teacher in training. I'm an American, an English language teacher, a vice-president of an amazing organization, a former ballerina. But none of these things are my value. I find my value in the death of Christ alone.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Do You Ever Feel?
Do you ever feel ugly some days? I sure do. Today I have been lounging around the house doing nothing, so I didn't bother to put on any make-up. I haven't washed my hair since yesterday so now it's greasy and flat. I'm also wearing my old senior class t-shirt and old shorts that I wore like everyday during my days as a staffer at Camp Crestridge. I feel so nasty that I feel like putting on make-up and doing my hair just so that I'll stop feeling ugly, although I am going nowhere at 11:30 PM.
Do you ever feel fat some days? I always have. The other day I was bored out of my mind so I tried on my old bridesmaid dress from my cousin's wedding 3 1/2 years ago just for fun. I could barely get it zipped up all of the way...it was still down a bit on the top. Given, my body has developed into that of a woman's since then, but I still felt like a fat cow. Plus, with the leftover Christmas candy still at my parent's house that I haven't been able to stay out of and the brownie I just ate, I have felt huge all day today.
Do you ever feel lonely sometimes? I do today. It's depressing when it's New Year's Eve and you don't have someone you love to kiss you at midnight, even if you spent the hours before with your girlfriends like I did. Okay, I gave my dog Princess a big kiss on the head to make light of it, but I still felt lame and envious of my sister and her boyfriend who enjoyed New Year's together. Now it's New Year's day and I'm thinking about what I did last year at this time-I went to a party with a guy who I cared about very much. Things ended terribly with that relationship, and I wonder if I'll ever fall in love, much less if someone could ever fall in love with a mess like me.
I'm not saying these things so that you'll have pity on me and tell me that I'm pretty, that I have a nice, curvy body, or that my prince will come one day. Most of the time, I'm confident in who God made me-the happy, redheaded Spanish teacher- and I find my identity not in the curls in my hair, the dress size on the tag, or the relationship status on my Facebook page, but in the fact that Christ loved me enough to die for me. But some days I don't feel like that. Some days I just feel insecure.
And since I know that every woman feels insecure and faces the same feelings I face, I want you to know that you're not alone. You're not the only one who compares your appearance to that of the girl sitting next to you on the Seminole Express. You aren't alone when your friends bring their boyfriends on a night out and you're the only person sitting at the table without a boyfriend. You aren't the only one who wishes she could be 5'5'' and 115 lbs again (and is vowing to be this size again).
Do you ever feel like every other woman in the world feels like this, too? Well guess what. You should.
Do you ever feel fat some days? I always have. The other day I was bored out of my mind so I tried on my old bridesmaid dress from my cousin's wedding 3 1/2 years ago just for fun. I could barely get it zipped up all of the way...it was still down a bit on the top. Given, my body has developed into that of a woman's since then, but I still felt like a fat cow. Plus, with the leftover Christmas candy still at my parent's house that I haven't been able to stay out of and the brownie I just ate, I have felt huge all day today.
Do you ever feel lonely sometimes? I do today. It's depressing when it's New Year's Eve and you don't have someone you love to kiss you at midnight, even if you spent the hours before with your girlfriends like I did. Okay, I gave my dog Princess a big kiss on the head to make light of it, but I still felt lame and envious of my sister and her boyfriend who enjoyed New Year's together. Now it's New Year's day and I'm thinking about what I did last year at this time-I went to a party with a guy who I cared about very much. Things ended terribly with that relationship, and I wonder if I'll ever fall in love, much less if someone could ever fall in love with a mess like me.
I'm not saying these things so that you'll have pity on me and tell me that I'm pretty, that I have a nice, curvy body, or that my prince will come one day. Most of the time, I'm confident in who God made me-the happy, redheaded Spanish teacher- and I find my identity not in the curls in my hair, the dress size on the tag, or the relationship status on my Facebook page, but in the fact that Christ loved me enough to die for me. But some days I don't feel like that. Some days I just feel insecure.
And since I know that every woman feels insecure and faces the same feelings I face, I want you to know that you're not alone. You're not the only one who compares your appearance to that of the girl sitting next to you on the Seminole Express. You aren't alone when your friends bring their boyfriends on a night out and you're the only person sitting at the table without a boyfriend. You aren't the only one who wishes she could be 5'5'' and 115 lbs again (and is vowing to be this size again).
Do you ever feel like every other woman in the world feels like this, too? Well guess what. You should.
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