Paul and I both had French class together, and one day after he asked me for help with a tricky French assignment on the computer he gave me his number. I honestly didn't think anything about it at the time since I'd often give my number out to classmates for classwork help, but in hindsight I should have then.
The night everything happened, I had invited all of my classmates for a study session at Starbucks for our test the next day. Paul was the only one who showed up. After a few minutes of studying we realized we needed my laptop for the study guide, and since it was at my apartment, we went back to my apartment to study. Once again, this was a warning sign..but I figured since my sister/roommate and her boyfriend were there nothing bad could happen.
We stayed in the kitchen with Melissa and Jacob nearby and worked on tackling French for about an hour. After we finished, Paul said playfully "Give me a tour of your apartment!" I laughed and quickly showed him everything, then tried to usher him out the door so I could get some sleep! But for some reason he went into my bedroom and plopped on the bed. "I could stay here alllll night..this is comfy!!" (Yep, that was ANOTHER warning sign right there. Yet in the moment, there are so many little things you won't see until looking back.) I followed him in there and had a brief conversation of small talk with him with the door wide open so Melissa and Jacob could hear and see everything. Then he started teasing me and poking me with his foot. I giggled. Being a university soccer player, he was well-built and handsome. Maybe he liked me? But either way, I knew he wasn't the type of guy I wanted to date, plus it was late and I wanted to get to bed. I started to get up and he did, too, but he got up..to close the door shut tightly.
I started to sense what he wanted then, but I froze. I was so scared. Nothing like this had ever happened to be before. I didn't know what to do. Think, Caroline, think! At that point he started grabbing my legs, then my waist. A bunch of sensations went through my body. He is really handsome..maybe I am missing out on something by being a good girl after all. I didn't stop him right away because I didn't know what to do. But then I knew in my heart that I had to get away. Run away from sexual immorality, for it is a sin against the heart and the body. I started shaking and pushing his arms off of my body.
Paul started laughing. "Don't think you can push me off. I'm stronger than you" and he shoved my arms away like that. By that point, he was grabbing my breasts and I started shaking uncontrollably.
"I've got you," he said, and was gently pushing my body against the bed. He started to press his body into mine. I couldn't take it anymore. I HAD to get away. I would say something, and if he didn't let me go, I'd scream. Run away from sexual immorality.
"Stop. I am really, really uncomfortable with this," I quivered, pulling myself up and staring at Paul. He breathed loudly and said, "All right. That's all you have to tell me." I then told him he had to leave, and so he left.
I was a mess that night, a huge mess. I could have been raped. Even though the worst that happened was that he inappropriately touched me, I was incredibly terrified. That night Melissa, Jacob and I stayed up late for hours crying. I called my friend Matt, who came rushing to the rescue to help me. A few days later another friend of mine Ellen and I went out for lunch to talk about this terrifying event, and then I confided in my friend Emily as well over coffee. You guys are all the best for helping me get through that night.
I thought briefly about calling the police and pressing charges against Paul, but I knew that sexual assault would be difficult to prove. Yet I did have to sit through French class with him for the rest of that semester, and it was one of the worst things in my life. Every time I saw a man who looked like him on campus I felt the same fear come back again.
Ladies, be careful. ALWAYS be on your guard and never trust anyone. There were plenty of warning signs that night that I didn't see just because I let my guard down and was too trusting. If you are in that situation, think quickly and RUN AWAY. Make it clear that this is not what you want, and if he doesn't respond get out. If you have been assaulted, never think it's your fault! You did absolutely nothing wrong. However, you must forgive who took advantage of you, because otherwise you'll be haunted by him forever. Sadly, you and I aren't alone-we are one of five of every women who this has happened to. Yet we must tell our story so that this doesn't happen to the other four women.
