Worth the Wait

Lately I've found myself in a situation where I had to make a choice about my values, about the type of woman I want to be, and one that could very well affect my future. It's a choice that some people make wrecklessly and crash and burn, yet others weigh the possible consequences and make the right choice.

What choice am I rambling about?

I've had to make the choice whether or not I want to stay a virgin until I was married.

When I was younger I would always promise myself that I'd stay a virgin until my wedding night. It would be no big deal. If and when I was ever pressured to have sex or do anything sexual, I'd say "No way, Jose!" and that'd be the end of that. I wore a True Love Waits ring, signed a vow and everything. I was all about the purity.

But with the temptations of being at a wild party school and a few guys with bad intentions in mind knocking on my door, deciding to remain a virgin is something I've had to think about constantly. Does anyone want to date a virgin? Is virginity such a big deal, anyway? Is one time really going to hurt anything? Should I just try it so I have experience and don't feel so clueless all of the time?

Then God brings different thoughts in my mind. I think about the man I want to marry one day, and how it will be so worth the wait to save my body for him. It will be so special and romantic. I see the kids I hope to have and I think about how I want to tell them to wait for their spouse, because I did for mine and it was so worth it. I also see the consequences and regrets of friends I have who didn't wait. They got pregnant, caught STD's, had their reputations ruined, have damaged self-esteem, and everything. It seems to me like five minutes of pleasure can equal a lifetime of pain, but five minutes without pleasure equals instead a lifetime without pain.

The wait is hard, I'm not going to lie. I get tired of getting dubbed as the goody-two shoes, innocent girl all of the time. I'm trying to be especially careful about what I wear...I don't want to give guys even the slightest hint that my body is available. I'm going to watch how I present myself and what situations can be dangerous (I've learned about this the hard way).  The worst thing is on those lonely nights when I'm wondering where on earth God's man for me is at, I wonder how much longer this season of waiting will last.

But no matter how long I have to wait, I know that the wait will be worth it.

Snow White and Her Dwarf Dates

Snow White sighed and collapsed on her bed. She clutched Cinderella's wedding invitation in her hand and watched it fall to the floor. Cinderella and her used to be besties, you know? They used to sing songs together about dreams your heart makes, handsome princes, and lots and lots of love! On lonely nights when all of the other girls were out dancing with their men, Cindy and Snow White had hung out and done girl stuff. Those were the glory days, the days that were fading just like the sunset that Cinderella and the Prince had faded away into.

All of Snow White's other princess friends had found someone! Aurora found her prince and even got to sleep for 100 years, too! Jasmine fell in love with a street boy named Aladdin, which was weird, but at least her dad finally gave the approval! Giselle married some weirdo from the land of New York, too, but at least it was true love's kiss! Even ARIEL, who had like the strictest father in the world, was married to Prince Eric and got to become a human so she could marry him. That was especially lame, because Snow White and Prince Eric used to hang out (as friends). But ever since he had fallen in love with the Red Head, their friendship was no more.

"Someday my prince will come," Snow White quietly sang to herself as tears fell down her eyes. She was tired of being alone. Despite what people said about her being "the fairest of them all," Snow White felt so ugly and unloveable. No one would fall in love with her.

"WAKE UP, SLEEPY!!!!!!!" an ugly voice shouted, taking Snow White away from her thoughts. Ugh, that was Grumpy talking. So how about Snow White lived with seven dwarves?? How this happened was a long story for sure.

Hey.
Maybe Snow White's prince was among one of the dwarves. Maybe the one she was meant to be with was one of them. Okay, so they sure weren't princes. They weren't what she was looking for. But she was so tired of being alone and just wanted a happily ever after like everyone else. It was worth a shot.

"Hey, Grumpy," Snow White said in her flirtiest voice possible, winking her big bright eye.
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Hello, reader!

If you made it THAT far into my little tale, you were probably pretty ticked off once you got to the end of the story. Snow White decided to give up on waiting for her prince and settled for a nasty, angry dwarf!!!!! Some fairy tale, huh?!

But maybe you related to the beginning of my story when Snow White feels lonely because all of her princess friends have found someone, and she's convinced something is wrong with her. I definitely feel that way sometimes when I realize that at least half of my girlfriends in high school are engaged/married, and I'm humming "I Just Haven't Met You Yet" to myself on the way in between classes to make myself feel better about being alone.

When we get so tired of being alone, we tend to settle for whatever guy comes our way. But the guys we settle for are usually awful, and even if they're okay what if the great Romancer has something better for us in mind? If Snow White had realllly settled for Grumpy, then when her prince came by a bit later on he couldn't marry her because she was already taken. I'm sure Snow White would have totally regreted this!!!

On those days you're tired of being alone, invest yourself first in the One who gave His life to save you, because that's the only place you'll find rest. Then, give your life 100% to whatever He puts your way. Until I find someone, I'm focusing 100% on the international student ministry I'm involved with, becoming the best future Spanish teacher I can be, and preparing my heart to work in the ministry one day. Don't become distracted by the things around you, but focus on what's ahead.

Because after all, today's a gift. But someday your prince will come. Don't forget that, my friend.

Cinderella and You!

I'm pretty certain that you know the story of Cinderella. I liked her dress so much I tried to find one like it for my senior prom!

But yes. I liked Cinderella. And I have actually found some realistic stuff in her love story!

Okay. Remember how her fairy godmother made her this awesome dress that was espeically designed for her? This included an gorgeous pair of glass slippers that would only fit Cinderella especially. Now, let's fast forward to the ball where she dances with...gasp...the prince!!!! It was love at first sight. Princey dear knew that Cinderella was the one as soon as he laid eyes on her. They danced all night. But then, the clock was about to strike 12, and Cinderella's dress/accesories would turn into the nasty rags they were before. So in a mad dash to not let the prince see her true identity, she runs away!! He's like "Dude, what the heck! I thought she liked me! Why is she leaving?" Meanwhile, Cinderella is in such a hurry to get outta there that her slipper falls off of her foot..and she just leaves it behind.

Our prince friend knows that this glass slipper that was left behind will only fit Cinderella. He is determined to find her, the one for him, so he tries the shoe on every single girl in his kingdom. It never works, and he gets frustrated. I kinda wonder if he met a few girls who he liked, but he knew the shoe didn't fit. When this happened, someone's heart got broken, because even though the attraction was mutual, she wasn't the one he was looking for. Finally, he stubbled into one home where the two girls there broke the slipper he had! I bet he was ticked. But then, all of a sudden this beautiful maid (Cinderella) emerges from the corners and hands him the other slipper. And you know what? It fit just right. He found the one. Awwwwwwwwwww.

Now what does this have to do with you, my Chronicles of a Young Woman reader???
If you're not married and want to be one day, then I'd say you are like the prince. You have been given something kind of like a slipper by God-a huge bundle of personality, dreams, wishes, etc. that will fit perfectly with one person-the person God had in mind when He created you. Whether you admit to it or not, you're looking for that person who will fit perfectly into your slipper. You're looking at the people you see, studying them to see if they would be a good fit for what God has given you. You meet someone and you think that they might fit your slipper, so you date them. But soon one of you realizes that the slipper doesn't fit, and one of you gets your heart broken. Other times, you'll find someone where the attraction is mutual, but you know that the slipper won't fit because of circumstances. For example, I went on a few dates with a guy last year who had everything I wanted. He loved Spanish, he was funny and friendly, easy to talk to, and he was cute. But I knew things couldn't work out because he didn't have a relationship with Jesus, and I had to call things off even though I didn't want to.

Look, if you find someone you like but you know you could never marry because they're not compatible with you, don't pursue that relationship any further, because you're just wasting their time. Plus, you could be with someone else and find your Cinderella. With that being said, when you get frustrated about never finding the right person no matter how hard you look, never give up. Just like the prince never thought Cinderella would be working as a maid, you'll probably find the right person in the place you least expect it. Remember that true love with the right person is worth waiting for. And most of all, they'll have a glass slipper that matches, yours, too.

Price Tag

I like to go clothes shopping...sometimes. That is, I like it when I find cute clothes that fit, when I'm not hungry/tired/bored, when I don't have to buy jeans and can instead buy cute dresses and shirts instead of stupid pants, and when I find good deals. Heck, I'm crazy about spending the least amount of money possible! I am constantly checking price tags. For example, if I'm trying to decide between two pairs of shoes, I automatically go with whatever is cheaper. It solves my problem, right???


Lately I've realized that I assign price tags to people like stores give clothes prices based on how much society says they are worth or how they have treated me in the past. Some people are more valuable than others. It goes like this.

That annoying kid who had a crush on me a while back and stalked me constantly? 15% off his value!
This girl I know who was a total snob to everyone? 30% off!
That girl who was mean to me for no good reason? Buy one, get one free!

And sometimes I even calculate my value based on the things that I've done and what I look like:

Okay, I've got curly red hair that I'm pretty proud of, so that's a $20 value. But I'm not as skinny as Emmy, so that's $5 off my value. But at least I'm nice. So that's $7 back. And I dress cuter than Macy, not to mention I'm active in FSU campus stuff. So that's $2 back. But then I don't...

...and the cycle goes on. In the past I've hesistated talking to someone who makes me look bad in fear that I'll look bad and that will lower my value on the price system. I also thought that I was of low value and didn't deserve to talk to other people, because they all thought I was weird.

But lately, God has been working on this judgemental heart of mine. I've realized that God doesn't assign price tags based on the good or bad things that we do, the people who we are or aren't, or what society tells us that the image in the mirror means we are. When Christ holds our price tag in His scarred hands, He remembered that our cost to redeem us from our mistakes was high-it cost Him His life on a bloody cross. God loved you enough to die for you. He didn't just pay a six-figure check for your ransom, He paid His very life. When I realized this at age 14 for the first time and became a Christian, it changed my world. As I continue to realize this today, it makes me realize that everyone is worth dying for in God's eyes, so who am I to treat anyone differently than anyone else? It also makes me see that I am no better than anyone and no one is better than me, so I have confidence.

I'm a red-head. I'm a Spanish teacher in training. I'm an American, an English language teacher, a vice-president of an amazing organization, a former ballerina. But none of these things are my value. I find my value in the death of Christ alone.

Do You Ever Feel?

Do you ever feel ugly some days? I sure do. Today I have been lounging around the house doing nothing, so I didn't bother to put on any make-up. I haven't washed my hair since yesterday so now it's greasy and flat. I'm also wearing my old senior class t-shirt and old shorts that I wore like everyday during my days as a staffer at Camp Crestridge. I feel so nasty that I feel like putting on make-up and doing my hair just so that I'll stop feeling ugly, although I am going nowhere at 11:30 PM.

Do you ever feel fat some days? I always have. The other day I was bored out of my mind so I tried on my old bridesmaid dress from my cousin's wedding 3 1/2 years ago just for fun. I could barely get it zipped up all of the way...it was still down a bit on the top. Given, my body has developed into that of a woman's since then, but I still felt like a fat cow. Plus, with the leftover Christmas candy still at my parent's house that I haven't been able to stay out of and the brownie I just ate, I have felt huge all day today.

Do you ever feel lonely sometimes? I do today. It's depressing when it's New Year's Eve and you don't have someone you love to kiss you at midnight, even if you spent the hours before with your girlfriends like I did. Okay, I gave my dog Princess a big kiss on the head to make light of it, but I still felt lame and envious of my sister and her boyfriend who enjoyed New Year's together. Now it's New Year's day and I'm thinking about what I did last year at this time-I went to a party with a guy who I cared about very much. Things ended terribly with that relationship, and I wonder if I'll ever fall in love, much less if someone could ever fall in love with a mess like me.

I'm not saying these things so that you'll have pity on me and tell me that I'm pretty, that I have a nice, curvy body, or that my prince will come one day. Most of the time, I'm confident in who God made me-the happy, redheaded Spanish teacher- and I find my identity not in the curls in my hair, the dress size on the tag, or the relationship status on my Facebook page, but in the fact that Christ loved me enough to die for me. But some days I don't feel like that. Some days I just feel insecure.

And since I know that every woman feels insecure and faces the same feelings I face, I want you to know that you're not alone. You're not the only one who compares your appearance to that of the girl sitting next to you on the Seminole Express. You aren't alone when your friends bring their boyfriends on a night out and you're the only person sitting at the table without a boyfriend. You aren't the only one who wishes she could be 5'5'' and 115 lbs again (and is vowing to be this size again).

Do you ever feel like every other woman in the world feels like this, too? Well guess what. You should.