I've noticed a pattern as to why people leave church- people were either not loved at church, received too much human love, and somehow in the process never searched and saw the unforgettable love God brings.

1. Not loved at church

I knew this kid at youth group who tried to be Mr. Cool. He'd dance around at church during worship, would try to make jokes in the sermon like the cool kids did, and would stalk the high school leaders. But it was clear that the church goers were too focused on being "cool" and loving the loveable that they forget about the people who need to be loved the most. That kid became addicted to drugs and happily condemns all things related to religion. Given his experience, why would he do otherwise?

What about my friend who was popular at church until he came out as gay? People gossiped and threw their stones at him. He's nowhere to be found at church now. Who can blame him when sinners ignore their sin and point at sin that they don't understand?

I had another friend who was openly agnostic in a conservative town. The day he dared to step into a Pentecostal church, he became everyone's new evangelical project rather than potential pal. And that is why he never came back.

2. Too much love

I was involved in this awesome ministry once where everyone adored this one particular guy to the point where I don't think he was part of the ministry to share God's love as it much that it was others loved him there. Last I heard, he was wild and partying, and beyond the beers living a lifestyle that mocked his former one.

But it's not just other's praise, but praise of ourselves. I once knew an adult who, with good intentions, became so soaked up in everyone's praise that she praised herself to the point where it drove others away from church. "I don't want to go to a Bible study where this person has practically self-proclaimed themselves to be the God of their Bible" friends told me.

I'm a Flippy Little Dolphin: To Love is to Stop Comparing

I'm going to be real tonight as I write this blog. I'm going to write about something personal and real, because I think it needs to be said for all of you who feel the same way. There's no need for this to flow eloquently, but rather for you to know that you're not alone, and for everyone to take heart in that we all feel the same way. According to my wanna-be-writer grandpa C.S. Lewis, being relatable makes best writing, anyway.

I compare myself to others. Oh and how I do this.

It usually starts when I'm just having a blah or even okay day and then something comes up that makes me feel bad about myself. Maybe it's a reminder of the rejection I felt by a group of believers recently. I Facebook creep so and so and I see that they've made more friends than me. Someone gets multiple reprimands for going on a week-long mission trip and I selfishly ask why few cared about my time as a student missionary.

I put the good things down that make me jealous to convince myself that what I offer is better-"They were so annoying that I don't care that they don't like me anyway." "Paaay money for friends=sorority!" "Oh quit crying. They were gone for a week overseas. You martyr you." "Your parents pay for everything and you're in your 20's. Good luck with the real world."

And I taunt the bad things in glee, in attempt to delight in myself. "Lololol she gained soooo much weight and she thought she was hot stuff in high school!"  "You're so vain that you put up song lyrics with edited Instagram pictures of yourself. Ha!"

I notice that these thoughts come up when I'm insecure, when I feel that I'm worthless. My instinct as a human is to judge what I see on the outside and to lie and to build myself up. My instinct is to parade around and say "Look at me, look at me! I'm a flippy little dolphin!" or whatever the sharks say on Finding Nemo.

But doing this exhausts me. It makes me hate myself and the world around me. I see the world through selfish sunglasses, until I put on the Son's glasses to see His work. (Corny Jesus pun, heh.)

God loves, loves, loves all of us! We were all made awesomely! It doesn't matter who you are, but you were knit together by God and THAT alone is your identity! Our sin brought in the wrath of God, but Christ paid for our sins, so we can enjoy the presence of God, and this is when it all makes sense-in God's presence.  When you see yourself that way, wow oh how does everything change. And when you see others that way, you can embrace each other in mutual awesomeness. It's no longer comparing or contrasting, but loving God and the people He has made. According to Francis Chan, that's all life is about, anyway.

If our life is about loving the people God has made, then the following statement by John Piper must also be true-"To love is to stop comparing." We are no longer "flippy little dolphins" trying to show off our epicness nor sharks wanting to attack others so we feel good, but we are all the creation of the Sovereign God.

The Loca Lady Language Teacher: The Lack of Sanity in Teaching

When I tell folks I'm a teacher, they give me this look that says "Oh, how dorkingly adorable!" I see their train of thought now: I was such a goody two shoes and bookworm that I just haaad to come back and force young pups into this lifestyle. When they ask me what I teach and I explain I'm a second language teacher, that I teach English for Speakers of Other Languages to adult learners and Spanish to elementary and middle school students, the "you're an adorable ginger dork" look fades into "You are a loca lady" look. All foreign language teachers, you see, are loco.

 

I question my sanity of why in the MUNDO (heh Spanish teacher joke heh) I choose teaching. Oh it's got its negatives, youuuuu bet. Like, I have no life. I wake up early to grade papers, I use my free time to write lessons, and I stay up each late making sure my 180 students ages 3-50 get a quality education. When I'm not doing those things, I whine to Andy about classroom management issues. Or I'm looking at my bank account while adding up the hours I spent each week working on creating curriculum and wonder why the two don't match up.....

I always teach my students not to focus on negativity, but on positivity. Well, it's time to follow my own example, and a new thought enters my mind as I sip decaf Vanilla Chai tea and snuggle up for an overdue Parks and Recreation Netflix marathon. I see the images of my students, of all that has happened in the past 14 hours, and I think "In what other career would all of these things happen-

1. Ten kindergartners tackle me in a giant hug at once, with them telling me they love me
2. A first grader and a third grader insist I write them more Spanish words to teach their families
3. My seventh graders passionately and intellectually defend immigrant rights and beg for more conversational Spanish days where we sit in a circle for an hour and speak only Spanish
4. I teach immigrants life skills that Americans take for granted, like asking for directions when you're lost, saying your address or writing a check
5. Teaching students how to read

I'm not going to change anyone's life overnight. I won't see any drastic changes. But what I do is I take delight in the small successes and knowing that I'm planting the seeds of knowledge, and thus freedom, when I teach.